I (30F) have been talking to a guy (40M) for about one year now. Our dynamic has always been very intense, emotionally and sexually, but also very inconsistent.
He has a pattern of disappearing for 2–3 weeks, then coming back like nothing happened. Every single time, he does come back eventually, and when he does, the connection feels genuine again. So this has basically become our cycle for months.
Usually before disappearing he would say things like “hopefully I’ll reply soon,” but this time his last message was: "sorry work is extremely heavy right now so haven't been able and can't reply for a while just sleep shower work".
I replied supportively (“take care of yourself, we’ll catch up when things settle a bit”) and didn’t pressure him.
Now I’m overthinking because this message feels a bit more distant than usual, and I’m scared this disappearance might last longer than the normal 2 weeks, or maybe become permanent.
What I genuinely want to understand is:
from an outside perspective, is it smarter to stay silent and let him come back on his own, or would a light check-in after some time help?
I’m not trying to chase him or force anything. I just want to act in the way that gives the highest chance of preserving the connection and not pushing him further away.
Especially from people who know avoidant/intermittent dynamics well: does his last message sound more like “I need space but I’ll be back” or more like a slow fade?
TL;DR: Been talking to a guy for a year and he always disappears for 2–3 weeks before coming back. This time his last message (“can’t reply for a while”) feels more distant, and I don’t know if staying silent or checking in later would be smarter.