My boyfriend and I have been together for less than a year. We spent about 80% of that time living together either at his place or mine, and 20% long distance in different countries.
I know he cares about me, mostly through actions rather than words. He’s generally not very verbal about emotions or long-term plans.
Right now we’re long distance because he has to work in his country for the next 6 months. Last year, I joined him during the season, and overall things went well. But this year, I’m hesitating more.
I think what’s difficult for me is that most of the compromises naturally come from my side because I’m the one with the more flexible lifestyle. I’m usually the one adapting, relocating, reorganizing my life, fitting into his environment, etc. He hasn’t really had to make equivalent sacrifices so far, and sometimes that creates a feeling of imbalance emotionally. Although next year he should have much more freedom.
I also have a history of over-sacrificing in relationships and slowly abandoning my own needs without realizing it at first. So part of me is scared of investing more deeply into something where maybe we’re not equally invested.
Before we became official, I was very clear that because of my age and life goals, I’m dating to build a family eventually, and he said he wants that too someday.
So I guess what I’m trying to understand is:
- how do you know when compromises are healthy vs when you’re slowly losing yourself in them?
- how do you tell the difference between someone who simply isn’t verbally expressive vs someone who isn’t that invested?
I’ll talk to him about it directly too, but I’d really appreciate honest perspectives, especially from people who’ve experienced similar dynamics.
Tl:dr how to navigate a relationship when you’re the one who is in position to make most of the sacrifice ?