common app college essay review needed
What up guys! Rising senior here and I decided that I wanted to start cranking out college essay drafts throughout the summer so I can pick the best one later and refine and submit and blah blah.
I would love to have someone who wants to review and give me a few pointers or deep dive if that's your choice! Just a reminder that this is just a draft, so I'm not gonna be too hung up if it sucks, I can just write something else. I'm open to constructive criticism, so please call it like you see it! Let me know if you are interested and I will DM the essay!
I am also planning to major in Public Policy / Public Affairs / International Relations / Law (Undergrad majors that I'd apply for differ from school to school but I believe my EC's are versatile enough to fit what one of these majors that are offered.)
My main things I would like to know is:
- Does it come across as too "I had a difficult childhood, please accept me lol". I used my "sob story" but built from it to show real growth and a life-changing experience, and the story is definitely something that matters to me and has defined me so I can't forfeit it totally in my writing.
- Is it just boring and not getting to the point. I feel like some of the "good" essays I've read are just fluffy and frankly boring. I tried my best to be vulnerable in this but also keep it chill so let me know your thoughts.
- Would you submit it? In my opinion this is better than asking whether you think I'd get in, but pretending it's your essay, so would you be able to submit it and truly feel confident into getting in? I feel confident enough, but don't be afraid to humble me. I can be humble.