Realizing it was abusive years after the relationship ended
I have now just realized with complete conviction that I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. This relationship ended 3 years ago but I am very empathetic and I feel very deeply so it takes A LOT for me to point a finger at someone. It is literally the opposite way from how my mind works I will feel horrendous if I ever hurt someone either intentionally or unintentionally I just never want to do that to someone. So I tend to think if I did something wrong in anyway that I have responsibility in the outcome. I was manipulated and lied to from the beginning, during the extremely sudden discard I was smart enough to fawn. You would not believe the things that came out of this man’s mouth that he has always pretended to go to the bathroom so that he could watch me on my phone, that he was cheating on me, that he only pretended to be nice to me in the beginning so I would like him and he’s not really like that, that he “broke up” with me 3 months ago and has been running experiments this whole time. It just clicked for me he’s a surgeon compartmentalizing is part of the job so he can turn off empathy, he’s smart there is plenty of stuff online about how to abuse woman and I would guess he followed a narc abuse relationship pattern to trauma bond me because all of the boxes just check like all of them exactly these “experiments” were abusive. I was so innocent when we dated this was so traumatic I have not stopped looping this event in my mind for 3 years. I started looping this event because nothing made sense it was like the mask dropped I had no idea who this new man was and he just dropped this on me in the span of 5 minutes. I have no idea what to really do it seems strange to tell my friends 3 years later hey that guy was abusive. Is this normal? Do people realize this stuff years later?