AIO bf mentions acting single after finding out im pregnant
For context: me (22f, have BPD) and boyfriend (25m, undiagnosed) have been together for two years at this point. The first year of course was rough cause we were still getting to know one another and lived together for a few months. Then I broke up with him because he began talking to another woman behind my back for a whole week before I confronted him. Things like bad communication, not being supported, or heard by one another had been a big thing.
We broke up for only a month and some change, before we began speaking again(because for some reason I couldn’t stay away.) of course it was messy cause we tried the casual thing by seeing others and each other. Then ultimately decided to stop playing around and got back together with honestly very little caution. Also around the time his mother passed and I should’ve seen him asking me to be his again as a red flag. But nonetheless, we continued on.
Topics of marriage, kids, our future in general came up, and we had to have several conversations about what’s a healthy pace for us to move at. I felt pressured into marriage essentially because I’m very young, still don’t have a career, don’t think I’m ready for marriage or even engagement because I have lots of trauma to work through. I understood he began thinking about that stuff because of his age and he’s begun doing big things, but eventually he backed off because he understood where I was coming from. And I’m glad he did.
**Present**
I broke up with him just 3 hours ago. Yes mainly on an emotional whim, but also because I felt mad disrespected and not considered.
The past couple months since being back together has been lots of fixing communication and finding new ways to talk to one another without it turning into an argument or us storming off. It seemed to have been working a bit, but patterns are hard to break.
My hormones have been out of whack, and my period has been late by a week (yk what that means.) at first I paid it no mind cause sometimes my period can be a bit irregular and I’ll miss it by 3 days max. But this time, I knew something was wrong. By day 8, even though I felt I shouldn’t have waited that long, I finally took two pregnancy tests. I took the first one first thing the next morning after getting it, two lines. The second one a bit faint but it’s there. Took the second one almost two days later when I remembered, and it only took 3 seconds for it to say ‘pregnant’. Of course me and bf had been talking about what should be done if I actually am pregnant, and we agreed upon an abortion. So we both began researching.
I took the second one while I was at my own home. Of course I began panicking, but I also was in the middle of doing my hair, so I decided to focus on that until we could talk face to face.
When he finally got to my house, I was just finishing my hair. He asked how I was doing and if I took the second test, and all I could muster is “I’m pregnant guys” with peace signs. Of course I was taking it serious, but I really didn’t know what to feel in the moment, so I tried to make a joke but of course was half heartedly.
We talk some more about it, he gives me a hug which was comforting. We put some food in the air fryer, and while that was cooking, he decided to bring something up to me. He started with, “I wanna talk about something I thought about but I don’t know how you’ll feel about it.”
Immediately my stomach drops and I’m thinking he’s about to break up with me due to us having issues again. No, it’s worse.
He begins talking about Pride and poses the question, “I know it shouldn’t be weird but should we act single for pride, or go together?”
It caught me all the way off guard and I got triggered instantly. It felt like a brick hit me in the stomach. I have a mild reaction; which was to shut down and start regulating my nervous system, something I’ve been privy to doing to calm myself so I won’t blow up.
Except, he actually took as me about to snap at him, saying, “this is why I feel like we both hesitate to bring things up to each other. We’re scared to the reaction.” I feel like I should’ve or wanted to, but I took the mature route and excused myself from the table.
I came back a while later and began trying to eat. Even asked him if he wanted to eat. He said no. I said okay and left him to the couch while I ate in the kitchen. I began losing my appetite so I went back in the living room.
That’s when the conversation really started. I explained how what he asked hurt me. I asked him if he’s looking for something else 3 separate times. Each time he said no, and that he just doesn’t feel secure in our relationship right now. I agreed that I don’t feel secure right now either, but celebrating Pride is th last thing on my mind. I’m literally **pregnant.** I’ve never been pregnant before, nor had an abortion. So yes, I’m very fucking scared. And he’s worried about ***pride.***
He kept saying sorry during the conversation but at that point I began to check out. I’m over it. I don’t wanna hear anymore sorries.
Eventually he left. Tried to give me a hug before he did and I really wasn’t feeling it and rightfully so. Because with all our history, and what’s been happening, you wanna “act single”??? Tf is wrong with you??
He left finally, and I went upstairs to my room and sobbed. Then I kept mulling over everything we’ve been through. And that just made me even angrier. Had he never brought that up, and read the fucking room, I probably would’ve gave him the space to bring it up some other time. But he chose, at that exact moment after I told him I’m confident I’m pregnant, is very disrespectful.
Yes he was asking what he can do for me, what he can do to help. But how can I trust someone who’s already emotionally cheated on me, to then turn around and ask if we should “act single.” Atp **BE SINGLE.** Like what tf am I missing here???
So yeah, I broke up with him. It wasn’t a long message like I usually do when I’m hurt. It was short and simple. I told him it feels like he’s playing in my face again, and how we’re both exhausted, and that I give up. Especially because we both have already been contemplating if we’re even compatible. But he just made my decision very easy again.
TL;DR: boyfriend of 2 years brings up acting single at pride while relationship is on the rocks once again and even after confirming that I’m pregnant.