Raising babies without my mom around
I (25f) am going through an extremely rough time. So much so, I’m turning to this post to see if anyone can offer me some advice, comfort, I don’t really know. I became a mom at 21 and again at 23 and since doing so, my mom seems to increasingly want nothing to do with me. When I was growing up, it was just me and my mom and my older brother. She had 3 husbands before finally ending up married to my little brother‘s dad for 10 years. They divorced when I was 15. My mom then immediately began dating my now stepdad. I graduated in 2019 and moved to college. As soon as I moved out of my mom‘s apartment, her and my little brother moved in with her boyfriend. She told me to go to college and gave me a lot of bad advice that has now left me in a lot of debt, but thats another story. To me, She was a great mom when I was a kid like truly the most magical woman ever and I loved her so much. I truly thought she hung the moon. I was obsessed with her my whole life and as an adult, I’ve only now realized that maybe I was obsessed because I wanted a mom. Not because she wanted a daughter. I grew up without a dad and that has always been a deep cut for me and she knows that. I never anticipated that when I became a mom she would vanish from my life. It’s like she doesn’t even exist anymore and I’m grieving this person who is still alive. I see her occasionally and she acts like a Facebook grandma to my kids where she just takes pictures then says see y’all next time and acts like everything is fine. I’ve expressed to her that I want to be close and that I miss her and she basically says sounds good then makes no effort to change anything. If I don’t call her, I don’t hear from her. My husband even reached out recently and told her I was having an extremely rough time and that she needed to step up and she still has not changed at all or even called me or made any effort. I just don’t know why I don’t deserve love or why I’m having to try and raise my kids with no parents of my own. I know I had my baby young, but it’s very hard not having my mom around because I always thought she would be around and continue being my best friend as well as an amazing grandma. It’s like the mom I used to have died and I just don’t know how to handle this mourning I feel. I’m so hurt and I feel so lonely. And for the record, she’s still great mom to my little brother and he has the world. A much better childhood than me and my brother had which I want for him, just seems like she still capable of being a good mom, just not to me.