u/DoubleStrawberry9575

I don’t know if Nia has just been on my mind lately because of everything going on with her, but I’ve been listening to the audiobook Yesteryear and I cannot help but feel like it is exactly how Nia feels. It may be extreme, but as I’m reading, she’s just the protagonist I’m seeing and I’m curious if anyone else has made this connection lol.

I (25f) am going through an extremely rough time. So much so, I’m turning to this post to see if anyone can offer me some advice, comfort, I don’t really know. I became a mom at 21 and again at 23 and since doing so, my mom seems to increasingly want nothing to do with me. When I was growing up, it was just me and my mom and my older brother. She had 3 husbands before finally ending up married to my little brother‘s dad for 10 years. They divorced when I was 15. My mom then immediately began dating my now stepdad. I graduated in 2019 and moved to college. As soon as I moved out of my mom‘s apartment, her and my little brother moved in with her boyfriend. She told me to go to college and gave me a lot of bad advice that has now left me in a lot of debt, but thats another story. To me, She was a great mom when I was a kid like truly the most magical woman ever and I loved her so much. I truly thought she hung the moon. I was obsessed with her my whole life and as an adult, I’ve only now realized that maybe I was obsessed because I wanted a mom. Not because she wanted a daughter. I grew up without a dad and that has always been a deep cut for me and she knows that. I never anticipated that when I became a mom she would vanish from my life. It’s like she doesn’t even exist anymore and I’m grieving this person who is still alive. I see her occasionally and she acts like a Facebook grandma to my kids where she just takes pictures then says see y’all next time and acts like everything is fine. I’ve expressed to her that I want to be close and that I miss her and she basically says sounds good then makes no effort to change anything. If I don’t call her, I don’t hear from her. My husband even reached out recently and told her I was having an extremely rough time and that she needed to step up and she still has not changed at all or even called me or made any effort. I just don’t know why I don’t deserve love or why I’m having to try and raise my kids with no parents of my own. I know I had my baby young, but it’s very hard not having my mom around because I always thought she would be around and continue being my best friend as well as an amazing grandma. It’s like the mom I used to have died and I just don’t know how to handle this mourning I feel. I’m so hurt and I feel so lonely. And for the record, she’s still great mom to my little brother and he has the world. A much better childhood than me and my brother had which I want for him, just seems like she still capable of being a good mom, just not to me.