Am I wrong for not wanting to go back to normal
Hello, I'm a male 17 year old now but this story begins when I was 12 years old. For context I was always a shy person (Which I later discovered was social anxiety), but back then it was even worse, for 6th grade and before I was the stereotypical nerd/teachers pet, I would only speak up if I thought my teachers would like it or I was snitching, therefore I never had many friends, only 2-3 actual friends for more than a month, but in 7th grade I realized I wanted to act like a normal kid, and shifting to middle school seemed like the perfect opportunity. I dropped the goody-two-shoes act and started to branch out to other kids who didn't know me. That's when I talked to her, for privacy's sake, lets call her Carol. Me and Carol had known each other in elementary, but she often teased and bother me due to the fact that I was a doormat. She seemed to have mellowed out and we had mutual friends so we began talking.
It was slow at first but we quickly got really comfortable and became close, to the point that we would text each other every day just to talk. We developed a small group of mutual friends and would hang out in the morning since we would get there roughly 15 minutes early. Things were perfectly fine and cool until halfway through 8th grade, (alot of stuff happened in these 2 months), One, Carol asked me if I had a crush on someone else in our friend group, (Which I said no, relevant later), two, I met someone, let's call him Jeremy. Jeremy was nice, sarcastic, and most importantly, liked Carol. It wasn't obvious to me at first until some of his friends told me about it. It was also around that time I ask Carol out to a dance, which she said yes. The dance itself was nice and fun, (save for Carol's friends constantly trying to pressure me into being all macho), Carol did tell me she didn't want it being a deal date and just a friend outing, (because her family didn't want her dating, which I was chill with) after that, Jeremy was passive aggressive to me for a couple of days, but when he saw me and Carol weren't truly dating, he backed off. Our friend group had merged with Jeremy's, this is because both of our groups were already friendly and it was more fun. It was about 2 months later when Carol texts me a whole essay about how weird Jeremy was being to her, at this point in time I knew I had my own crush on Carol, and I naturally was pissed, both due to me and Carol being very close and my crush. She asked me what she should do, and I said if he is creeping her out/being toxic, to stop being friends with him. She said that she would and I thought that was the end of it. For the rest of the school year it was good, but I noticed a cycle, Carol would complain about Jeremy, send me tons of screenshots of the texts, I tell her he's being toxic, and she tells me she's gonna end their friend for real. That never happened, but I didn't hound her about it, it was her own business and I'm not gonna keep pushing her.
Starting in freshman year, things changed. For one, I went to a family camp on the first weekend of school and Jeremy started texting me, bragging me about going out on a date with Carol, (another school dance). I was really confused, as Carol said she wasn't friends with him. So I text her, and ask if she like Jeremy, (keep in mind that's ALL I asked beside how her day had been going), and she blew up on me, she told me she didn't like me and although she might've in the past, she doesn't now and I need to stop asking (I never asked since the dance), and that it was rude to ask someone who they like (despite her asking if I liked one of our friends earlier that year.) I tell her I never asked if she liked me and I was just curious. We go back and forth, and it was to the point where she was talking in circles. So I give a apology just to end the conversation. She then ghosts me the whole weekend and ignores me when I ask if she is ok the next day.
Once the rest of the school year started, things were obviously different. Carol was becoming slightly distant, not in any crazy ways, she just wasn't as talkative and chatting as much. I didn't see an issue and we would still communicate often. The main incident happens around march, at this point since the first time, she had complained about Jeremy about 15 different times (Despite going to the dance with him and telling me she regretted it), most of which texting me, most of the time i'd let her vent and validate her pain, but during the latest rant, I asked her why she is still friends with him, and if she felt unsafe doing so, I can tell him to stop, she then's responses by telling me that "It's none of my business what she does with her friends" and doesn't text back for the rest of the day. I was annoyed but didn't wanna make a fuss about it, over the next month she stops approaching me at lunch and band practice, she ignores my waves and hellos unless I say it twice, and eventually she stops texting me altogether on her own.
For context, one of the biggest reasons why I still texted her so often is because she wanted weekly reminders to read her bible (she is quite religious), so I do, and I asked her around the same time to do the same thing for me but with gym workouts, and while I never missed a week for 1 1/2 years, she did it consistently for 3 weeks then every blue moon, (It was rare enough to where the reminder didn't matter much). Then one day as I'm working, Carol tells me she doesn't want me texting her weekly anymore, and I can admit that I was really annoyed, I confronted her on not respected my reminders and I thought it was crappy to not even apologize for it, (I never once said I had a problem not texting her weekly, but it was the only time I could let it all out at once.) She EXPLODED on me, calling me overbearing and a jerk for just confronting her about it, I apologized for my aggressive wording but I refused to apologize for confronting her, since she promised me like I had promised her. Carol then says she doesn't wanna talk about this and she leaves it at that. For the last part of the school year Carol completely ghosts me, no texts, no meetups, not even saying hello to me, just a glare of acknowledgement. At this point, I figured that although it sucked, that our friendship was over. On the last day, I needed to ask for some advice, and I asked one of our mutual friends about it, Carol was with them and I made it clear I wanted our friends advice and not hers in my body language, I gave her the same treatment she had given me for months ONCE. That summer vacation, I get a super long text from Carol, telling me she was wrong, and she was sorry. I didn't let her get off the hook in 3 sentences so I questioned her on her behavior and she told me it was wrong and she won't do it again. I accepted this and forgave her, but due to everything she did, but I knew there was no way we could ever be real close again, but I fugred just normal friends is fine.
She disappeared again until early 10th grade when she randomly sat with my guy friends and me, and she was acting like she did during the peak of our friendship. I was a little weirded out because she hadn't been this warm to me like this in over a year, butI wasn't rude to her and still tried to make normal conversation. I made the mistake of telling Jeremy that it was a little awkward her being there (not that I didn't like it), not knowing he was still crushing on her, despite the fact that she told him several times she wasn't interested. Jeremy then goes right to Carol and spins a horrendous version of what I said, I don't know what but an hour later, Carol texts me, angrily telling me that Jeremy said I hated being around her, I try to clarify to no avail, she ends our friendship official there, and I honestly was more relieved than anything, then decides to say that apparently she had problems with me since 8th grade, but when I asked what it was, she refused to tell me. Then had the nerve to tell me that she still cared despite causing me a terrible person a text earlier. We haven't spoken since. Since that day, I've discovered that Jeremy tried to pursue her for another year but finally gave up and spent a month reconnecting with our friend group, now despite his toxic behavior, he wasn't all that bad to me, so it was easy for us to reconnect, especially when he told me that Carol complained about me to him about our argument, and that he said he didn't entertain her, we both have her blocked (as she has a tendency to try and apologize weeks or months later) and we don't talk about it anymore. We still see other in the halls, but she always glares at me with contempt and isn't afraid making it obvious. I was reminded of the whole story because some members of that OG friend group told me that Carol iced them out for one reason or another, and she doesn't talk to them either. This reminded me of everything and I can't get it out of my head lately. My friends, my family, and my therapist told me I wasn't in the wrong and they had the same story im posting about.
I wanted to ask people who don't know me, mainly if I should have treated her the same despite everything she did just because I said "I forgive you?" and if I should have left that friendship awhile ago? But of course I'd like general response too, feel free to ask clarifying questions as well! Thanks for reading this.