im scared
I know everythings going to turn out okay but ive been freaking out for the past two days about finally coming to the discovery that i possibly have this disorder.. ive thought that for 2 years now, but it was only the past couple of days that ive actually reflected and realized that i cant continute with the way I am without actually getting treatment.
I honestly thought I was pretty okay for the past 2 years. I tried to tell 2 professionals before and it didnt go well (they werent dissociative specialists) so I shouldve seen it coming.
My current therapist isnt a specialist either. I havent been able to find one that will take my insurance. But i have been seeing her for 6 months and overall my experience with her has been good so I think opening up will be fine. Im just more concerned about my wording as im pretty bad with getting my thoughts out clearly. The last time I came close to telling her it felt like i physically couldnt and I started getting really flustered, stumbling over my words and blanking mid sentence.
I wont see her until Wednesday, i tried seeing if she had any earlier openings but its been hours and she hasnt responded so I guess I will just have to wait.
I wanted to see her earlier because I havent been able to enjoy anything for the past 48hrs
I keep sweating and getting into a panic and feeling so many emotions at once I have just been cocooned in my room not knowing what to do
regardless, my rational side knows things will get better
I hope anyone who reading this has a good day 🫶