Where to begin.
I have been with my partner for almost 4 years since 2022. He’s had a porn/sex addiction this whole time. I found out after our first daughter was born in 2023. He’s been dealing with this since he was young. He hates it about himself but feels like he can’t control it. He’s quit for a few weeks or a month a few times throughout our relationship and then ends up going back to it. I’ve become numb to it all. Yesterday he went to a massage parlour and a club. He came home and admitted what had happened immediately, apologized, and said he wants to find help and change. He doesn’t want to live like this anymore.
I’ve done a lot of research on the addiction and it REALLY is like any other addiction. It literally requires the brain. I don’t think he chose to be like this or chooses to continually be this way. And so I try to sympathize. And I do. I feel for him. And I have stayed and I plan to stay and I support him through it.
I just don’t know where to begin on my own healing though. I feel so numb and yet so sad at the same time. I feel unloved and lost. I know he means well and I know he WANTS to change and that he CAN. I just don’t know where to begin on forgiving him and feeling emotions towards all of this again. When he told me what happened yesterday I didn’t even react.
I do love him deep down. I just want to feel love towards him the way that I used to. I want to be able to trust him again. I want things to go back to the way they were. I don’t know how to help him and I don’t know how to get past this. I don’t even know. I just needed support and a place to vent with people who understand.
A lot of the posts say they hate their partner and that I should leave but I don’t think people really understand the depth of an addiction like this. I just need support from people who understand.