Still flying under the radar, need advice on seeking BH
Hey yall. Active duty army here. I’ve been in for a few years now and joined completely post op. Only thing I require for my diagnosis is my weekly T injections that I’m still prescribed to and have been taking for almost 20 years now. (I know, I’m an old head and joined late). Nobody would ever guess I’m trans.
When the ban started I made an appointment with my PCM and she reassured me that her or no other medical staff in our unit would ever find it necessary to out me to leadership that would trigger a PAR for separation. She essentially told me she would “hide” me. I’ve even gone through SRP, pre and redeployment, with different medical providers and neither of them mentioned the diagnosis. They simply stamped my paperwork and I was good to go. No one other than medical staff in my unit knows I’m trans and I’ve been very fortunate so far to continue to do my job and make my paycheck.
With that being said, I recently came back from the Middle East. Things got pretty spicy over there as I’m sure yall are tracking. At one point we were running to bunkers just about every hour for days at a time. The location I was at took many drone and missile strikes. Since I’ve gotten back I feel very anxious and I haven’t been able to sleep through the night since before the war started. I keep having reoccurring dreams of running for my life and trying to escape danger in different forms but it’s usually war related (dodging bombs, jumping off sinking ships, running from people trying to kill me, etc.). I also hate how the unit changed while we were gone and have zero motivation. I guess I’m having trouble adjusting to being back to normal life. I feel stressed the fuck out and irritable 90% of the time. Im drinking a lot and hate that it’s something I’m now relying on. And admitting to all of that makes me feel like a bitch.
My wife wants me to go to BH to talk to someone and I know I need to. I pulled into the parking lot the other day. I couldn’t bring myself to go inside because I’m worried about the BH provider seeing my diagnosis, questioning me about it and potentially ending my career. I’ve decided I don’t want to do another contract and I ETS next year. I want to get out, but I don’t want to get kicked out because of who I am.
Does anyone have any advice? Do you think if I went to BH they’ll ignore my diagnosis and treat me for what I’m currently struggling with? Am I pushing my luck if I go? Should I try and access BH off post and will tricare cover that considering we get free BH on base? Any ideas would be very much appreciated. Thanks everyone.