u/DoutorNocebo

Pergunta direta: qual a maneira correta de fazer táticas?

Atualmente eu tenho só tentado resolver alguns problemas do chess.com por dia, nem sempre tenho tido tempo. Mas ele me parece aleatório demais, não existe um padrão. Me parece fazer mais sentido resolver uma série de problemas de um tema, depois de outro, e assim sucessivamente até alcançar um domínio adequado daquela temática. Vale dividir o estudo por temáticas para um melhor aproveitamento? Se sim, existe uma lista de temas que deveria focar? (Tenho rating de 750 em rápidas e 1100 em diárias, são as que mais jogo)

Outra dúvida: vi que nas estatísticas de problemas do chess.com que o tempo que eu gasto tentando resolver um problema nunca está dentro do tempo "alvo". Imagino que isso seja importante, reconhecer de maneira precisa e rápida. Devo me importar?

Hi everyone. I’m a 33M, and my wife (34F) is currently going through an incredibly severe mental health crisis. She is dealing with frequent panic attacks and constant suicidal ideation. Right now, she cannot be left alone with our three children, which has heavily impacted my ability to work, leaving us in a very tight financial spot and dealing with debt.

I want to make one thing absolutely clear: my wife is a wonderful person. We have been together for 16 years. Ten years ago, when I went through a severe one-year battle with depression, she was my rock and saved me. However, her own mental health began to deteriorate at the start of the pandemic. For the last 5 years, she and her health have been the absolute, non-negotiable priority in our lives—and as a result, I have been entirely pushed aside.

We are in a very dark valley right now. When she crashes, I drop everything to support her. I don't do this out of mere obligation or resentment; I love her deeply and I am fully committed to her and our family. Leaving her is simply not an option for me, and I don't genuinely contemplate it. The only times the idea of escaping even crosses my mind are in the form of fleeting, intrusive thoughts born of pure psychological exhaustion—thoughts that I easily wave away, but still feel a lingering guilt for having.

There is a feeling inside me that I’m deeply ashamed of, and since I don't have friends to talk to, I’m turning to the anonymity of Reddit to see if anyone else relates.

It’s a profound sense of "loneliness while accompanied." It is the isolation of being constantly needed, demanded, and leaning in to help, but having absolutely no space for your own needs, health, or voice. It feels like the loneliness of a silent martyr.

For instance, I can’t even imagine bringing up my own emotional or sexual dissatisfaction right now. It feels unfair, almost cruel, because she is fighting for her life. Her pain is the priority, and it has to be. But by accepting this for half a decade, I’ve resigned myself to a position that no human being can sustain forever. There is a complete void where my internal life used to be. My own issues are always secondary, and I feel entirely invisible in my own marriage.

Am I a horrible person for feeling this heavy toll? How do you cope with the guilt of these intrusive thoughts and the human desire to be seen, when your partner has been entirely consumed by illness for so many years?

Thank you for listening.

Como fazer táticas?

Ashamed of my own thoughts: The heavy loneliness of 5 years as a caregiver spouse