I (21F) married my husband (24M) a month ago after 7 years together. In my family, it’s tradition that spouses are added to family group chats, and my husband was immediately included in all of mine. On his side, I wasn’t added at first because his older brother (27M) might get upset since his fiancée (35F) isn’t included yet. This already felt unfair, but I tried to be understanding.
Eventually, after a lot of hesitation, I was added but by then it felt forced, like pity rather than genuine acceptance. When I finally participated in the chat, his brother left the group without saying anything, later claiming it was because his fiancée wasn’t included. That made it feel very personal.
Our relationship has also changed. Before he moved abroad, we got along well, even though I always felt he could be difficult with others. Since returning to visit, he’s been distant, dismissive, and has made offhand comments toward me. I tried to address this by messaging him calmly, explaining that I felt disrespected and that I value having a good relationship with him.
His response was dismissive. He said not everyone has to agree with me, that he’s matured, and that his priority is his fiancée—adding that the situation “has nothing to do with me.” He didn’t acknowledge my feelings or take any accountability.
During their visit, I also made an effort to include his fiancée in activities with my mother-in-law. Despite this, he claimed that I was always present when she tried to spend time with their mother, which isn’t true.
Now his fiancée has reached out to my husband asking why I’m upset and why I’m only speaking up now.
I’m unsure how to respond to both of them, and whether his parents should step in, as it feels like his behaviour is being enabled. I don’t want conflict, but I also don’t want to be disrespected or feel like an outsider in my own marriage