TW: self harm
im looking for advice here. i struggle with severe self harm, and i have very bad scars on my arms. i have weekly islamic lessons at the mosque and it includes salatul duha. i am the type of person who for the life of me cannot hold my wudhu and i have to take it immediately before praying. which is also the time where everyone wants to take wudhu.
the thing is, im deathly afraid of people seeing my scars, as i have to roll up my sleeves to wash my arms. especially cause my mosque's wudhu area is quite cramped, alot of people would be able to see them
so i just didnt prayed during duha. i sat one one corner and pretended i was on my menses. and also prayed that none of the ustazah notice. it worked until today when the head ustazah gathered all the girls and told us that if people still keep on sitting out she will start tracking our cycle. so obviously im panicking cause that means I'll have to you know...risk people seeing them. i really dont know what to do. the only thing i can think about is faking my prayers. but like whats the point then?