My husband and I (already married by the court but then COVID hit and we never had a ceremony) are finally having our wedding. We have been together for over a decade, married for 6, so we decided go big or go home. In terms of headcount it will be relatively small (~60 guests), which in my opinion, makes this situation even more uncomfortable. But in terms of budget, we went all out.
We have been saving for this for years, so we decided to go for a destination wedding in a gorgeous venue, open bar, string quartet for guest arrival and ceremony, saxophonist for cocktail hour, amazing DJ, amazing well-known caterer because it’s very important to us that the food tastes amazing, paying such close attention to the overall guest experience, making sure there’s plenty of food during cocktail hour, a live illustrator so people can take home a personalized favor, I’m DIY’ing embroidered slippers for guests to change into during the party if their heels are hurting them, we’re even paying for a guest shuttle to pick up our guests at their hotels, take them to the wedding venue and bring them back to their hotels at the end of the night.
After dinner, there’s even more food by this amazing caterer for the after party, open bar stays open all night (over 7 hours), etc. The colors of our wedding are pastels so along with the dress code, we asked that ladies wear pastel gowns (any color, just light to match the theme). We even put together a mood board with guest attire inspo to help guests get ideas and we included all types of silhouettes and fabrics, but all pastel.
My husband and I are both into photography and it was very important to us to select a unique photographer that could capture the most exciting day of our lives not in boring, traditional, overdone wedding portrait style, but a much more interesting, dramatic, cool style. Mind you, my husband and I aren’t pretentious or super into superficial or materialistic things, so this is the one day we chose to go all out and choose the best of the best, including our photographer. All in, this wedding is costing over $2,000 USD per person.
Most of our guests are family or long-term friends. Literally friends my husband and I have each had since elementary school, some from college, and only a handful of people we’ve met in the last 5 or so years. However, my husband has a good friend at work who he met about 2 years ago and they have a great friendship, I really like the guy and find him very respectful and kind. I was more than happy to invite him and his long-term girlfriend to our wedding. It’s important to note that neither my husband nor I have ever met this long-term girlfriend in person and don’t have any kind of relationship with her.
About 3 weeks ago when my husband came home from work, he told me that his friend/coworker said that when his girlfriend saw the dress code, she said “I’m not wearing pastels.” Just like that. My husband says he didn’t know what to tell his friend, so he said respectfully that this is a wedding we have been planning for over a year, very intentionally, with the help of a wedding planner and everything from the decor, to the florals, to the tablecloths, and all other guests will be in pastels, so that if she opts for something different she may clash.
I was definitely taken aback when my husband told me this because from our wedding website and invitations, it’s obvious that a lot of thought and effort has gone into every detail of our wedding, there’s cohesiveness in the design, the fonts, the colors, everything. It’s not a casual event and that’s intentional. We feel that this person should acknowledge that she is being invited to our wedding as a courtesy and out of respect should do her best to find something as close to the dress code as possible.
So anyway, I let it go and basically said to myself it is what it is. If she arrives in a slightly darker color, that’s fine. I’m sure she won’t be the only one. Maybe she’ll wear a dark pink or purple or blue and it will be just fine.
Well, this morning I wake up to an email from her. She writes me introducing herself and saying she is excited to attend our wedding. For starters, SHE MISSPELLS MY NAME in the greeting. Now, I know I’m not the freaking queen or a celebrity, but I AM THE BRIDE OF THE WEDDING SHE IS INVITED TO. My name is on the website, on the Save-the-Date, on the invitation, on Instagram, all over my husband’s Instagram, idk I feel like off the bat that is disrespectful.
Then, she says she wanted to write me directly to let me know that she had already bought her dress before seeing the dress code (this is not true, we know what she said to her boyfriend when they first received the dress code weeks ago) and that the dress she bought is BLACK. She does not ask me if that’s ok, or offer to find a different option, or anything like that. Basically, she is not running it by me, she is just letting me know that she will be wearing black, and offers to “stay out of important photos if that helps.” Idk why the “if that helps” part rubs me the wrong way even more. It’s like she’s acknowledging that what she is doing is not cool and is offering a low-effort “solution.”
I don’t know. Both my husband and I are pretty annoyed with this. Like, is it going to make our day any less special? No. Is it going to get in the way of us and our guests having an incredible and memorable time? No. Is it going to ruin anything? No. But like… it is annoying, right? In our opinion it’s a pretty shitty move on behalf of a kind of random guest. Am I overreacting?
ETA: We very intentionally do NOT have a wedding gift registry or fund or anything like that. Not asking for any form of gifts or monetary contributions.