Difficulty planning free time alone
Hello! Long story short, I was neglected as a child by one of my parents in a divorced relationship. I'd spend weekends with this parent but house was unclean so I couldn't invite friends round and food/electricity wasn't always guaranteed, and I really withdrew into myself during weekends. I'd stay in bed, watch films all day/listen to music very loudly. We also lived rurally so I'd not be able to take myself out to the shops or travel anywhere to use my time.
Now I'm an adult, I'm trying to fix a few patterns that are keeping me unhappy. I'm getting better at inviting people out for socialising (I'm going to organise a nice birthday party this year, which I've not really done before!), making sure I'm eating well and exercising, and texting my close friends funny jokes/messages.
Something I'm finding difficult is when I have a weekend to myself, so no plans with friends. I on the one hand love doing things by myself, but sometimes I find myself stuck inside and just reverting to bed/doom scrolling/binge watching films. It all just feels quite boring, but it's a pattern I'm used to.
I also find it difficult to make a decision about what I'd like to do - if I want to go out for food, I worry that it's too expensive and I'm just wasting money. I overthink whether going out is "worth" the tube fare cost, and then I worry whether X activity is something I'd actually like to do. It's like because I'd only go out as a teenager when I was invited by someone else, I'm used to following other people's weekend plans and interests.
In short - I want to feel more fulfilled in my spare time, but I'm not really sure what I like/dislike! Any tips on how you've overcome something, or how to decide on a new hobby that is "worth it", would be much appreciated! My main problem is that I'm not used to asking myself what I'd like to do beyond usual films/reading/walks/running.