u/Downtown_Movie_96

Just found out yesterday that my adult sibling made an attempt and is hospitalized.

I’m dealing with an unexpected surge in emotions, and anger towards my parents (whom he lives with) who are taking away his autonomy by planning for him to move in (obviously this would be after his discharge) with our other sibling (also an adult). This ruins him dreams of someday being independent, and our other sibling is a jerk.

They are planning for him to get ECT, which seems extreme. I’m unclear if that’s doctors reccs or my parents pushing. I’m angry because this all could have been prevented had my own father treated his own mental illness and not causing the family system to collapse and my mother to enable it all.

Listening to my mother sob into the phone is tiresome, I have little empathy for her when she had none for me. Years ago, I had cancer, and my parents who lives 3 hrs away did not visit at all.

I was planning to go in tomorrow to work but my mind is filled with shit. I’m also new to my school, don’t like the school much or my admin. I’m a vet teacher but new to special ed so I’m bad at it cuz it’s new. My job is obviously a lot and stressful.

What to say if taking off? Reiterating don’t like my admin much or trust them.
Any support is appreciated. Yes, I have a counselor and appt this week.

11 year teacher vet, but new to special ed and to my boujee school, where I do not fit in. This is the hardest thing I have EVER taught. I'm not certified in special ed either, and being crammed into a forced certification program neccessary to obtain this job. I completely understand and accept I need the certification, but I'm already just drowning in survival mode.

It is HARD**.** It's not because of the students, they are great. It's because of:

-shitty coteachers who don't even share lesson plans or communicate planning times, tho they are supposed to be the "lead"

-shitty coteachers who don't get they do ONE JOB (Theater=teaching/planning) and I do TWO or MORE (Theater + PAPERWORK)

-shitty coteachers who call it "their class" and some are honestly really bad teachers. One told me she wanted to move up to Honors, I think because she has zero classroom management. Classroom management takes a long time to learn. I'd give her credit if she at least TRIED! Nope. Her effort is focused on being "fun" and like "one" of the kids tho she's an adult

-shitty departments who don't want us in "their content," asking us if we did certain things we were supposed to, but of course no one told us, because it's a hard to staff role that we aren't even certified in. Of course a shitty coteacher doesn't tell us shit, and we can't even modify their lesson plan to differentiate it because they don't share it with us

-not knowing all the millions of deadlines of anything

-staff at school who are clearly neurotypical and get annoyed by me. I suck at remembering verbal directions. I have ADHD and also had cancer, which was not brain cancer or related to that but I feel my brain is a bit cooked after that whole experience and being on a daily chemoprevention medication

-going from a Title 1 school to a "boujee" school. I kind of hate it and don't fit in. It feels like Disneyland but fake. I prefer my Title 1 school where at least the teachers are tight and have each others backs

-I honestly was desperate for a job, having been laid off of my last one and massive cuts in my licensure area (multilingual learners).

-Having a hard time grappling with the lack of confident and feeling like a dumb a** every single day at work, and knowing I could be earning the same salary doing a job I'm already licensed in, and have to go through all of this sh*t just to eat and remain housed.

-I have NO LIFE and work 11 hours a day and commute one hour to school each day. I arrive an hour early every morning. Still drowning!! Still feel unwanted by my "coteacher" and one of my departments

- Happy "Weekend!" Drowning in work for a school where I kind of feel like a lot of people already can't stand me. My "coteacher" can't stand me because having me around highlights the fact she cannot teach. Staff can't stand me because my disability prevents me from retaining verbal information and it prob makes them feel I'm dumb or that I'm not listening.

-My goal for this year was to not gossip about anyone, but I broke that today but sharing with 2 colleagues some of the shit I'm dealing with with my coteacher bcus I am losing it.

What is even the point of this? How does anyone survive this?

I’m a vet teacher but new to special education (high school). I’m not certified in special education and previously taught MLLs (multilingual learners) for a decade, but many of those jobs have been cut or destaffed. I needed to work and like all students, so I decided to try special education.

I still like the students, but the stress is unreal because of the paperwork and pressure. I feel
Largely unqualified to do this job because I don’t know the paperwork or even the general cycle or timeline of the year and what is supposed to happen when. Some of this paperwork I never even heard of before. Further, the district is having me take a special ed class they’ll pay for to build towards the cert, which requires about 20 pages of forms to apply for the class and program and was obviously due weeks ago but was busy drowning, I have to earn my special ed cert.

I’m not sure I even want this special ed cert when I’m bad at the job. I prefer teaching MLLs because I’m confident and know what I’m doing. I’m seeing how problematic it is to take a job outside your licensure area. “Learning by doing” is a brutal way to learn and honestly embarrassing by how incompetent I feel in this job.

I dislike coteaching because I’m treated like an aide by a co. She refers to it as “her class.” This co and I have very different classroom management styles and she always spends money on candy or things for students, and I feel she doesn’t like how I don’t “contribute”. I work for a wealthy school and district, they should be paying for things for students. I’m exhausted because she has no classroom management and is so concerned about being liked by the students, meanwhile she sees me as an aide as I drown in legally binding paperwork. I’m aware I come across as “serious” and “not fun” because I am serious and not fun. In prior teaching years, I was a fun teacher, but this is not it when I’m tripping over my own incompetence.

I feel pressure from my bio family because of the performance pressure. They like telling people their daughter teachers special ed. Ok but I’m not good at this job, I feel really unqualified for it, and I’m drowning. My goal is to make it to Christmas.

I have no joy in my life and spend all my free time working. I’m also a cancer survivor and I’m nervous how this all is impacting my health.

I honestly wish I had more options for employment. It was either this or retail as there were zero MLL jobs. I hope I didn’t make a mistake taking this job because it feels impossible. I try to remind myself I’m in a hard to full job most people wouldn’t want, teaching two different subjects pulled between two departments so a blend of that and also some self-contained.

Please give me any support or guidance. Thank you.

Hello, I’m on my 11th year teaching but new to special education, high school. I teach a few classes of self-contained and couple co-taught in two different subjects.

I guess there is a shortage for special education teachers in my area bcuz they’ll hire teachers like me who are fully certified in teaching and will start a special education licensure class. My prior background is teaching multilingual learners at the high school level (many of these jobs have been cut or destaffed).

The classes I’m teaching are going fine but I don’t know the paperwork of the special education world, Can you all give me the lowdown? I’m really overwhelmed and have no life, just working.
What’s the general timeline for paperwork?
Priorities to be aware of?
General advice?
YouTube reccs?
Signed,
Vet Teacher in new world

Any other Special education teachers coteaching and it’s awkward? One of my co’s isn’t into classroom management but is very strong in content. I’m stronger in classroom management bcuz I’m coming in from a “worse” school than where we are now. She is very caring but doesn’t see yet how classroom management is caring bcuz you can’t teach in chaos.

My co was dreading the class today bcuz behaviors, I had zero anxiety about it as classroom management is one of my strengths. I set up routines and systems and it went as expected and went well.

The CO’s see the part of me that comes in to support their class, but I’m not sure most Gen Ed teachers are aware that Special education teachers do two jobs in one, teaching and paperwork. Does Gen Ed get the paperwork we deal with? It’s going to take me a whole year to learn, and I’m a vet teacher, just new to special education.

Unrelated but I somehow get all the tea from the whole school. Why?!!
Even if I aint thirsty, I hear it all. From teachers or admin or whoever. My goal for this year was not to partake in gossip. I end up hearing stories from both parties just randomly. My response is “thank you for sharing” but I don’t respond in talking about that person or expand on that part of the story, only on the topic.

TW: food insecurity, eating disorders, mental health (anxiety, fear, and depression), cancer

I am worried about the long term effects of unemployment. I have a new job that started last week, thank God. But worried re: long-term effects.

Food insecurity lingers still as I’m not yet paid for a few weeks.

I’ve had a traumatic few years, including cancer causing financial collapse and the lay off in May. I have a very high amount of credit card debt from my cancer treatment. Every day my phone dings with some unpaid bill reminder.

I feel unable completely to enjoy “dining out”, even if others pay, as I no longer see food as a source of entertainment.

Could be in the early stages of an eating disorder. I have thoughts all the time now, like if I ate lunch, “why eat dinner if I already ate lunch, meaning I over ate?” “Don’t eat lunch, you already overate by eating breakfast.” Also thoughts like “why did you buy groceries? Horrible decision, now you can’t pay your utility bill.” “It’s your fault you can’t pay bill X, you bought food this week.” My brain tells me I overate and I’m fat, tho my food tracker app tells me I only ate 1,300 calories for the day. I didn’t have these food issues before the food insecurity.

I sit in a nearly empty apartment because I’ve sold almost all my furniture and intend to move into a roommate situation.

I’m skittish and anxious every single day now, always worried what’s lurking around the corner. I feel broken and sad trying mask it at work.

I was on a food program for a month, and it was horrible, because the paperwork made me that anxious and so did some of the workers (who treated me like sh^t). I’d rather just not eat than be treated like that.

I don’t have the “look or sound” of someone who had been through all the sh^t I’ve been through, so it’s easy for people to invalidate me, because I’m college educated and conventionally attractive, but spoiler alert: anyone could get cancer or have hunger or etc. life life’s us all…

I have nightmares and daily naseau from the stress of my new job but I don’t even care. I’m going to push through it and I’m so grateful to be employed.
Our society in America worships independence and individualism. Everything has a price, including “freedom”.

I have a bad feeling the economy is about to get even worse, and I’m preparing ways to pool resources. In the absence of a partner or functional family, I’m planning to move in with a roommate. The cost of being alone has now become too scary, literally. Anyone else relating to that or any of this?

Yes, I have a counselor and a psych too. But I’m worried this trauma has all altered my brain. Not sure how to be normal anymore. I’m like a skittish new born bird, heathing as its neared as close to the edge of the nest as possible while still managing to survive, except I’m a grown adult and not a baby bird. I’m just another statistic?

Anyone else feeling trapped in the city or area they live in due to the job market or lay off? Anyone else had money views forever changed bcuz of your layoff and the damage it caused?

I was laid off in May. My finances are an absolute wreck due to cancer treatment 2 years ago, legal fees, and being unemployed for a few months and spending gas money to get to an unpaid internship (I since dropped out of grad school). I was planning to move out of the metro area I live in but I literally cannot bcuz I’m so broke.

My finances have become an emergency and I took the first full-time job I could get, which starts this week (thank God. I’m so lucky to have this). I cobbled together August rent just barely the day after the grace period expired, making 5 payments throughout the month paying as much as possible each time. I’m on unemployment and SNAP and always anxious I’m screwing up the paperwork somehow with a mistake cuz there is a lot of paperwork and I’m hungry and tired.

I have less than a dollar in my bank account and of course my unemployment check from last week was delayed, you can work a little on it as long as you report it, which obviously I did, but that can delay payment. I don’t even know how to pay for gas to get to my new job.

My views on money are forever changed. No more restaurant meals for a year. Food is not entertainment.

I feel miserable and depressed. In response to this all, my counselor advised me to “exercise.” What? I cannot afford food, why would I want to exercise and become even more hungry?

I’m telling myself this new job in my current city I loathe doesn’t need to be forever and I can leave when able. I’m extremely grateful to have it and it took 6 months to find. But I feel stuck. I am not a “lucky” person in general. Once you have food insecurity it never really goes away. I feel like I failed at life. I did the thing we are told to do, go to college, work, blah blah blah blah… here we are. Here a lot of us are. I’m in my 40s and practicing acceptance. I’ll never go back to that grad program, I can’t do an unpaid internship.

I’m not like my successful friends who leave this intense crazy East coast city for greener pastures and feel happy and find their place, I have been a drowning duck who intends to swim away from here, but each time drowns and gets pulled back in. Something sucks me back in, cancer care was good here, stayed for that. Now staying for a job, job market here is still better than many places. This city has good parts, it’s just not my place, too intense.

2008 vibes…

What are your thoughts on cooking meat?
I’m in need of cash and don’t have a full-time job starting until next week. Looking into babysitting jobs, one of which involves cooking meat and meals. I’m really not comfortable with it.

I had previous roommates who ate meat, it went ok bcuz I didn’t have to cook it for them and everything got run through the dishwasher.
Have a feeling touching and cooking it could be different :/

They do have other gigs on the website I found this on, including organizing and tutoring, so saying no wouldn’t be the end of the world. Just don’t like letting people down due to people pleasing. But I don’t owe anything after one conversation.
Thoughts?

[Virginia] Anyone else having log-in issues this morning? I can't log into the website at all.

Any others late on rent, despite your very best efforts?

Layoffs have REAL economic impact, not just the emotional impact we hear about so often.

For the first time in my adult life/i.e. EVER (for context I'm mid-forties and have been paying rent since about age 20), I will be late on rent. I cobbled together as much as humanly possible between loans from 4 different friends, monetary birthday gifts from two other friends, selling books on eBay (naturally the one I actually already sold got lost in the mail almost two weeks ago, and they just now found it, so nope, can't access that $60 yet) casual work like baby-sitting, unemployment income (yes, I reported all my casual work honestly, so they subtract as required). With gratitude, I should be fully paid to mostly paid during the grace period, but technically, nope- won't be fully paid up on the 1st :-( It makes me feel AWFUL. This level of stress is unreal. I've never experienced anything like this level of stress, outside of having had cancer.

I have been reflecting on the fragility of my very existance. The example of the book getting lost in the mail highlights it, one or two strokes of bad luck can make my bleak financial path so much worse. It is like I go do the thing, but money somehow gets stuck, inaccessible, lost, clogged, the plug plugs into the wall but does not charge. At times, it has felt like the universe is conspiring against me. Nope, I'm not "special" because many people go through what I am going through, but I am ALONE. I feel ALONE. None of my friends are unemployed or had a recent layoff. Actually, I think none of them ever had a layoff.

*To avoid questions about this, I'll add NO, asking family for help is NOT an option for me. They are not supportive and don't even like me. They will also shame me for going on SNAP Food Assistance. I have to make do with reality and try to make the best of it.

I am also extremely blessed to have a job starting mid-August. My gainfully employed friend keeps reminding me the new job will be "hard" and "challenging." Ok? You know what's hard? Eating beans with mustard for a meal and what's even harder than that, is fear that there will not even be any beans left. I woke up one day in state of literal fear. There is no other emotion to describe it but fear.

I will be moving into a roommate situation as soon as possible. I can't justify this amount of rent ever again when the job market feels unstable. I learned that food insecurity doesn't just go away once you have food; once you lived the experience of food insecurity, you know how it could happen again. I'm going to try and go a whole year without going out to any restaurants. Maybe coffee with a coupon if I must be social to meet a friend here and there. But meals out? NO. This "lifestyle" is not sustainable, and neither is the fear. The other emotion that accompanies fear is shame. Being shamed by other people for asking for help. May they never be in this position.

Hello,
Rent is due August 1.
I’m short on rent, and my unemployment income was delayed this week. I talked to customer service today at the unemployment office via phone to clear up the issue delaying payment, which could take a couple days to clear and receive payment.
I believe we have about a 7 day grace period here to pay rent and can’t be charged for late rent until that grace period expired.
Sincerely appreciate any help. Very very stressed out.
Should I inform landlord now or wait til grace period is done? Do I mention or not mention my unemployment income for this week was delayed? If, for example, unemployment pays me Monday for example, I don’t want to open a can of issues with the landlord for nothing.
The combined checks of this weeks once received and next weeks unemployment income once received (hopefully by next Thursday) will be me fully 100 percent paid on rent.
I’m also on SNAP which I’m so grateful for, but my brain isn’t thinking well because I’ve been very hungry this month before the SNAP.
Any support and help is appreciated. Thanks.

People really show their true colors after a layoff. In this post I’ll refer to friends of mine in my personal life I've known for many years, not coworkers.

I was laid off in May and just now found a job starting in mid-August. I thankfully and fortunately was approved for unemployment which began this month and SNAP food assistance. I’m also a cancer survivor with prior medical debt due to cancer, and legal bills from consult regarding disability discrimination frm a former employer and harassment from them. I don’t go anywhere, don’t take vacations, don’t have a shopping issue. All my financial issues are from cancer debt and legal debt, with the layoff, obviously too zero income for months.

Before the SNAP this month, I had food insecurity bcuz I ran completely out of money and didn’t know how to get more food. I’ve been physically hungry due to this. I hate mustard now bcuz I used to put it on anything to give ramen and low cost foods “flavor.” I’m also short on rent.

I’m depressed and don’t wanna go anywhere cuz I don’t wanna spend. My mental health counselors response to my situation was “exercise” (before I got SNAP). Like what? I don’t wanna burn more calories and be more hungry.

People show who they are during hard times. Some of my friends \^these are friends not coworkers) have been horrible, and plot twist, they aren’t my friends!

Some are downright mean. I texted a few of them asking for a one-time $100 loan due to short on rent, and a couple were extremely mean. Let them know I’ll repay them next month. It’s their right to decline, but it’s not okay to berate and shame me.

One I had to block and delete (naturally he was on an expensive international vacation as I’m messaging him I can’t afford food and medications and rent): he berated me, shamed me, asked for the plan bcuz what’s the point In helping someone would it could happen again and again (context: this is the first and only time I’ve asked him for a loan in 7 years of knowing him), he needs the plan, this was all preventative etc. He said yes but then after I told him his
Response was unkind and he forgot my birthday he declined the request and told me to stop messaging him. I sent one message back that the friendship is over, then block and delete.

One I’m distancing the friendship after he provides the loan and after I repay him: he said yes but asked “have you thought of applying for a job? So and so works here and makes good money, keep looking, need to be clear this is only a loan you need to repay me” again, only time in 7 yrs I asked him for a loan. He’s been negative and unsupportive before, like I’ll say something and he’s mean and condescending “I started at a new church” response “I went there once, it was boring” “I’m starting a new job I’m excited and glad to be employed soon” him “that will be a hard job…” etc etc I don’t think he even likes me but keeps me around for social capital.

Reiterating it’s ok if people decline the loan request, it’s not okay to berate me and shame me like it’s a personal failing when it’s not. I have a job starting mid August and let them know, so they’d know income is coming. And of course, neither of these friends has ever been laid off ever.

People really show their true colors after a layoff. In this post I’ll refer to friends of mine in my personal life I've known for many years, not coworkers.

I was laid off in May and just now found a job starting in mid-August. I thankfully and fortunately was approved for unemployment which began this month and SNAP food assistance. I’m also a cancer survivor with prior medical debt due to cancer, and legal bills from consult regarding disability discrimination frm a former employer and harassment from them. I don’t go anywhere, don’t take vacations, don’t have a shopping issue. All my financial issues are from cancer debt and legal debt, with the layoff, obviously too zero income for months.

Before the SNAP this month, I had food insecurity bcuz I ran completely out of money and didn’t know how to get more food. I’ve been physically hungry due to this. I hate mustard now bcuz I used to put it on anything to give ramen and low cost foods “flavor.” I’m also short on rent.

I’m depressed and don’t wanna go anywhere cuz I don’t wanna spend. My mental health counselors response to my situation was “exercise” (before I got SNAP). Like what? I don’t wanna burn more calories and be more hungry.

People show who they are during hard times. Some of my friends ^these are friends not coworkers) have been horrible, and plot twist, they aren’t my friends!

Some are downright mean. I texted a few of them asking for a one-time $100 loan due to short on rent, and a couple were extremely mean. Let them know I’ll repay them next month. It’s their right to decline, but it’s not okay to berate and shame me.

One I had to block and delete (naturally he was on an expensive international vacation as I’m messaging him I can’t afford food and medications and rent): he berated me, shamed me, asked for the plan bcuz what’s the point In helping someone would it could happen again and again (context: this is the first and only time I’ve asked him for a loan in 7 years of knowing him), he needs the plan, this was all preventative etc. He said yes but then after I told him his
Response was unkind and he forgot my birthday he declined the request and told me to stop messaging him. I sent one message back that the friendship is over, then block and delete.

One I’m distancing the friendship after he provides the loan and after I repay him: he said yes but asked “have you thought of applying for a job? So and so works here and makes good money, keep looking, need to be clear this is only a loan you need to repay me” again, only time in 7 yrs I asked him for a loan. He’s been negative and unsupportive before, like I’ll say something and he’s mean and condescending “I started at a new church” response “I went there once, it was boring” “I’m starting a new job I’m excited and glad to be employed soon” him “that will be a hard job…” etc etc I don’t think he even likes me but keeps me around for social capital.

Reiterating it’s ok if people decline the loan request, it’s not okay to berate me and shame me like it’s a personal failing when it’s not. I have a job starting mid August and let them know, so they’d know income is coming. And of course, neither of these friends has ever been laid off ever.

First, I know I’m not “special”, I know I’m one of many with a similar story. But I am grieving. I dropped out during internship, my dream is gone, I feel alone.

I am grieving having dropped out of school. I had almost all As!!! !!!!!!! I love to help people and wanted to be a therapist but I cannot. The internship was the final straw that destroyed me, it was unpaid, spending gas money. I tried and tried to get a job this summer and couldn’t. Thankfully! I have one starting next month. In the meantime, I can’t afford food, rent, or medications. My friends are jerks, one berating me saying my financial situation was preventable, it’s my fault, what’s my plan so it doesn’t happen again and etc.

My family is clueless as they would shame me for applying for food stamps. They don’t even know I was in the program, and would just say no one wants to hire me, I’m too old, etc just like they said with my first masters degree. My counselor knows my situation and part of her advice was to exercise. What? I’m literally hungry bcuz I can’t afford enough food. Exercise increases hunger. Several family members (major mental illness) are experiencing delusions and my counselor was whatever about that too. What? It’s scary when people aren’t in reality…

There is a big difference between a friend who constantly asks for loans and one who asks for one in seven years who can’t afford food or medication not bcuz they have a shopping addiction, but bcuz of medical bills, legal bills, and trying very hard to change careers at 40 something into healthcare (therapist) into a system that is impossible. More Good news ! (Sarcasm) my oncologist referred me to a special dept for high risk patients due to high family history! Yes, I already had one cancer, which is where the bulk of my debt is from.

My life imploded during the internship and I don’t know how to process it when it feels like no one cares. I feel trapped in my geographic area bcuz the economy is brutal, I had to take the first job I was qualified for that paid enough. And I am extremely extremely grateful for it. But it delays my dream of moving out of this location.

I don’t get the luxury of chose. I’ve been backed into a corner a million times and at a braking point.

Texting my shitty friends the truth, hungry, can’t afford basic needs makes me feel like shit bcuz they give me shit. It’s okay if they say no!! I get it. I just don’t get them shaming me acting like I’m a shopaholic or person with a spending problem when reality: laid off in May, in severe debt bcuz cancer, legal fees, and it all imploded during the unpaid internship paying for gas and unexpected car bills.

Age 40s lady in her Tamoxifen era, 2 years out from active treatment. Tested negative for the BRCA genes and other known breast cancer genes.

Today I was talking with my oncologist about how nearly everyone in my family gets cancer. Both parents had it (including mother, BC Triple Negative and Recurrence to hormonal). My father has had three types of cancer (prostate, skin, and bladder). His mother had two types of cancer (jaw/mouth), his father had cancer also (lymphoma) (both his parents passed from cancer). Aunt (maternal) passed from lung cancer (non-smoker). There's probably more I'm forgetting here.

I am the absolute anomaly in this story in that I was diagnosed "young" (at 40). No one in my family is physically or mentally healthy. I don't depend on them for anything, no one showed up during my treatment (despite them only living 3 hours away, and this was before my fathers 3 cancer DXs).

The onc said that as part of the hospital, they have a special center (or department, I guess?) which is for people who have high risk and based on family history, it could be helpful to talk to them. There are prob genes we don't know about yet, could learn about clinical trials, and etc).

I realize going to the special department and talking with a specialist there could present more anxiety because more testing etc. But, knowledge is also power. This disease took nearly everything from me because of the financial cost (I'm in a financial emergency, just applied for food stamps, cannot afford medication, cannot afford rent) and mental cost (had to start up a med called Remrom due to major depressive disorder, which BC made worse, other things made worse. Gained 30 lbs since starting it, 15% weight gain which I guess it a lot). I have always wanted something positive out of this f*cked up life experience and JOUrNeY, so maybe a clinical trial is my fate? Would you pursue going to visit this special department? WWYD?

Hi all,

I'm an age 40s person in debt due to cancer and grad school. I recently dropped out of grad school and the unpaid internship. I was paying gas money too to get to the unpaid internship. Staying would mean incurring more debt up to 40K and a loss of 180K as it would mean being out of the workforce full-time for awhile, and requires a second unpaid internship.

I'm unemployed. My profession is teaching. It's summer, so I may not be able to be employed in that until the end of August. In the meantime, rent is still due on August 1 and I have no ability to pay it. I spend all of my time now seeking employment and haven't been successful. The economy is just brutual.

Given I have no ability to pay August 1 rent, I'm considering taking out a person loan. My credit score is average or fair, maybe mid-600s. Where would you recommend taking out a loan?

Thanks.

Anyone else suffering in this horrific job market?

I romanticize a normal in-person teaching job and it’s my intention to return to the classroom next month. I can’t wait! I had a hiatus of 3 years, off to work at a “virtual public school” (horrible…….. and never can they be fully virtual if public bcuz state testing so cooped up for weeks in hotels) and started a MSW grad program.

I just dropped out of the grad school program. Sad. It required two 6 month unpaid internships; I’d assumed I could at least find a PT job. Wrong, I can’t find ANYTHING, in teaching or outside of it.

My worst day teaching, where towards the top of the pay scale, is better than an unpaid internship. I’m also considered an expert in teaching bcuz experience. Being an unpaid intern at 40 something was just…
Ironically, my internship was in the affordable housing sector, and I am struggling with housing instability.

Fully unemployed. Lost FT job in Feb, found temp gig, that ended. This Market seriously brutal.

I wanted to relocate out to the other side of the country this year, but I’m 50k in debt between grad school and cancer treatment debt. If I didn’t drop out, that would be about 90k in debt, plus loss of about 160,00K from being outside FT workforce. So now my planner is to move to a smaller city a few hours from where I’m at now.

Minus amenities like hospital health care being good, there’s no point staying in a HCOL area anymore for me. My life has been destroyed so many times over the years :( I don’t know how I’ll get an intentional fresh start somewhere new when I need to do a puddle jump now for literal survival, puddle jump from the city to less. I just need less. Less noise, people, stress.

I romanticize boring life in a boring small town. For now. But hope I can get out to the other side of country for my perm relocation…I hope my dreams can stopped being flushed away by f*^king cancer shit and Economy sh*t.

Age 40s, Tamoxifen taker, 2 yrs out from treatment…posted earlier about how I couldn’t do the breast MRI today.

Why are we expected to deal with this torturous, archaic technology? Why do we have to grin and bear this sh*t when better technology exists? I recognize we are “lucky” to have the breast MRI from a MEDICAL perspective and diagnostics perspective.

From a patient perspective of someone who already had BC? I feel like I’m going to vomit thinking about it. I hate being trapped in a fully closed space for up to 40 min with my mind spinning thinking abt how dx two years wrecked me; bio family never showed up, went bankrupt bcuz cancer is expensive. Then my job leaked my breast cancer leave paperwork to employees in another state. Up to 40 min of hell inside my brain.

When I had cancer I could actually “tolerate” this more cuz I already had cancer. As a survivor, it makes me angry we have to endure this sh*t.

Some may say “drug up” to get through it, I’m already drugged up folks and take some heavy drugs each day, Tamoxifen, Clonidine, and Remron.
It’s not easy finding an as needed.
The nurse today acted like just come back on an anxiety med. Like why? I hate the breast MRI so much that I even had the thought of if there’s cancer oh well. Ignorance is bliss.

I’ve been reading abt the Vera Scan and am willing to travel to get it. I wish we had an underground network of survivor support or a patient advisory committee. Why should I be made to feel a loser sobbing for three hours today bcuz I couldn’t endure the breast MRI? Vera scan is prob not reimbursed by insurance and blah blah blah but f it, cancer destroyed everything, when you are already drowning money doesn’t matter anymore cuz debt is all debt.

Age 40s single lady flying solo in her Tamoxifen era, 2 years post-active treatment.

I posted about my breast MRI loathing earlier. It’s scheduled for tmrw. It’s been a pretty bad week. Gas leak from my stove or a neighbors, dropped out of grad school, over 100 degree days with blaring humidity, can’t find a job. My dishwasher and garbage disposal are broken so barely ate this week.

I am now about a year and 5 months since my last breast MRI and had to reschedule a bunch of times due to my period coming.

I take a bunch of daily meds ie Tam, Clonidine, and Mirtzapine (Remron). Gained 30lbs since my last breast MRI.

Ativan never helped me. In the past, I took hydroxyzine before my MRIs. Last couple times I took hydroxyzine had weird side effects like falling and hallucinations and heart pain. This was on my normal dose of 50mg.

I guess I could Uber into the appt and Uber home. But the point is, I hit a wall and don’t know if I can keep going with this shit.

Had a panic attack today.

The hard part about the breast MRI too is that it’s enclosed. I hate it. I can handle mammograms no problem. Even rads was ok bcuz it was open and I could chill and not be enclosed.

Paranoid I have a recurrence. One breast feels heavier than the other and burning pain when I lay flat on that breast.

Paranoid that maybe cuz I get depressive episodes where I don’t shower enough like showering once a week it caused my BC.

Have an onc spot in coming weeks so may ask abt alt testing.

Curious to see the stats on how the unpaid internship impacts graduation rates. Please respond below:
Have you personally thought of dropping out due to the unpaid internship or known a direct relative or friend who has thought of it?

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