u/Downtown_Movie_96

3 classes, internship starting next month, finishing a job and need another, humidity in full force, I am so freaking tired.
What motivates you to keep going in your MSW program? Any tips?

All anyone says is how little I’ll be paid as an MSW, but after tomorrow, I’ll be paid nothing, so…
I have an observation today for my teaching job which is weird because tomorrow is the last day. Just more exhausting energy for no reason.

I already had my coffee fill, may sneak in another of my no bake homemade cookies (vegan chocolate chips, flaxseed, PB, oatmeal, maple syrup, cinnamon:).

What have you learned about yourself or fellow Social Work Students or Social Workers on the Social Work journey? It's all hard rn as my internship is to kick-up next week and I'm not even placed! My last interview "ghosted" me after and we are only allowed to interview at one place at a time.

But alas, I had a dream last night that I was finally a social worker and had clients and it felt like the most natural thing in the world. This has indeed been my dream for a very long time.

Here's what I learned about myself or fellow Social Work Students or Social Workers on the Social Work journey:

• I think my program does a good job on exposing us to many different subjects and life experiences, increasing my ability to be non-judgemental.
• I learned that just because I'm studying to be a social worker/therapist doesn't mean I regulate emotion via "talking." Zero of my friends are therapists or social workers. In fact, most aren't good at listening. They regulate through me, but I don't actually regulate through talking to them.
• I learned that in the early stages of dating, I truly despise sharing my experiences with friends. They will always find a "red flag" and suck all the joy away. Meanwhile, I listen to their experiences and say very little, only "sounds promosing!" Reminding them they have free will and agency and their dating life isn't my business!
• I learned that Social Workers and Social Worker Students are absolute bad as**es in the BEST way possible.
• I saw something on TikTok about how we are the "plug" people need to essential services. Love it.
• I read somewhere about how social workers operate in the "underworld." Not in a dark way, in a light way! Like how we operate in the spirtual world, for example, or even with social capital, building resources and networks that weren't built before. IDK, I think this is cool to think about.
• I love seeing social workers having fun on social media too, like going to concerts. It's like a subtle reminder that we don't heal just to stop feeling pain, we heal to live.
• I always find the best TV shows, movies and books from the social media of Social Workers! I believe the training in being non-judgemental impacts this; and there is a real soul in this work and that the desire to serve humanity invokes something soulful.

I quit my toxic “virtual” lol (ie hybrid due to heavy state testing travel) school in Feb. Virtual school in my exp is way worse than brick n mortar bcuz it’s NOT virtual, there are heavy travel requirements, and there’s no teachers unions. Imagine being cooped up for weeks in a hotel with your administration and/or colleagues for a week or weeks on end wherever in your state or the surroundings. Often, the admin isn’t even on site because all the state tests run at the same time across the state, it’s just teachers in some random hotel conference room.

At this school, I spent thousands of dollars in legal fees too because the virtual school (which shall go unnamed, but yes you know them) leaked my cancer medical record to employees in another state and HR harassed me while on FMLA. It still makes me angry they kept their jobs and I didn’t.

All that bullshit we tell kids about “be a good person and it will work out” is bullshit. The abuse I endured at that job haunts me to this day. I never had to hire a lawyer for employment matters before this. I think virtual school in general is bs (there are exceptions where it is legit. Like they need it for medical reasons or bullied and can’t do brick and mortar). Minus the exceptions, I think kids need to be in a real school not cooped up in front of the computer for 8 hours a day and sitting there by themselves all day like they are some mature/burnt out 40 year old who “earned” the privilege to WFH.

I was hired into a tutoring company that had a delayed contract til last month and ends next week.

I sleep for 2 hrs everyday after the tutoring job.

I’ve been in education for 10 years and I’m a cancer survivor too(as noted earlier) and all that including the med is tiring. I’m delaying an annual screening cuz I hate it and I’m freaking tired. Added a new antidepressant in Feb when job was ending.
I’m tutoring elementary school and it’s freakin tiring. I’m outside my licensure area but was desperate.

I’m earning a master’s now, it’s hard, and supposed to start an internship next week, unpaid. I was supposed to hear an answer Friday but was basically ghosted. Figuring out that around a job will be a thing too.

This job market is f^%*£ing lame. I feel it’s worse than 2008. I’m freakin tired.

Age 40s single woman flying solo in the city. By flying, I mean floundering, struggling.

My bio family lives a few hours away. They didn’t act like they cared when I had cancer. In part bcuz they have seemingly “normalized” it bcuz nearly everyone in my family has had cancer, but typically not til their 70s or 80s. Having cancer isn’t some “big thing” or “unique/special” to them when nearly everyone gets it. But my isn’t it interesting how this changed a bit since my father now has 2 cancers?

Obviously, they didn’t visit at all during my treatment cuz they don’t care, leaving me to my own devices to compile a random assortment of friends and acquaintances. I drove myself to every single round of radiation.

Some of those folks I had during the JouRney I’ve removed after the JoURney when they revealed their true colors.

My father also has a major mental illness he doesn’t treat, my mother clings to him like a broken bird tho he’s a verbal abuser.

I’m earning a MSW currently, my dream job, because in part of what I saw and went thru during the jOUrney to help others. It’s really hard and involves 2 unpaid internships but it’s my true calling. I can’t tell
My family this, they’ll just say it’s too late for me, no one will hire me, and I’m too old (same things they said during my first masters degree 10 years ago).

Since my parents have no social skills, I’m regularly updated about medical news or family passings via text or email. They have no empathy. I think dealing with my mentally ill and angry father burned out my mother’s empathy.

It’s Mother’s Day, I’m texting not calling. I can’t with them. My father has 2 cancers now. I’m not sure what they “expect of me?” I’m six months behind on an annual breast MRI; obviously not keeping up on my own shit that great cuz I’m so sick of just cancer shit, including screenings and loathe the breast MRI.

I gained a lot of weight on my anti-depressant in the past months and barely exercise. I’m slacking now taking care of my own health. I eat tons of sugar before and during my period cuz Idgaf and the anti-depressant makes me crave it.

I know this is talked about here, and others have unsupportive families they deal with, but how? I’m drained.

Background: age 40s single woman flying solo in a major city region. Went through active treatment alone, sans a few friends, and a few “friends” I had to remove along the way during the JoURNEY who showed their true colors. Currently on Tamoxifen, Clonidine and Mirtazapine. Here’s my rant.

• First, genetic testing is sh*t. Nearly every member of my family has had cancer or has it now. Yet, “no gene for it.” Mother had BC twice, father has prostate and bladder cancer, one grandmother had throat and mouth cancer, one grandfather had lymphoma, an aunt had lung cancer. They all passed from it too except myself so far and my parents. There’s probably more people I’m forgetting who had it too, yet “no gene for it.”
• Second, I loathe the breast MRI. I was supposed to have one in January, delayed it cuz I hate it, my period was delayed awhile. I don’t wanna be cooped up in that damn machine, I don’t wanna do it. Why is there no alternative to this shit?
• Third, my bio family is trash. Zero visits during my treatment and they didn’t really care that I had it. My mother has no warmth, empathy, or social skills and same with my father. My mother texted me once about a family member passing, to announce it. My father emailed me once about another family member passing.

My family sends “bulletin board” type texts and emails. My mother recently texted me to announce per the results of my fathers biopsy, he has a second cancer and treatment won’t be determined til after immunotherapy, text or call him, blah blah. I’d rather not. When I was helpless, no one cared. It goes beyond this, my father has a major mental illness he doesn’t treat, anger issues etc. Why am I supposed to care he’s helpless now?

They sent me a big check which I promptly shredded. I’m not for sale. They get so angry when I remind them of my boundary that I don’t want their money.

And no one here holding my hand as I pop Tam everyday and push off that damn MRI.

Everyday just feels like another day in cancerland when nearly everyone in my family has and or had it, yet my parents just think of me as their peer even tho I got it at 40 not 70 or 80.