Why is my wife (45F) not happy about my (50M) fitness improvement?
Most of my life, I've been in and out of physical shape. Most of the time more fat than I should have had. Deficient in secondary sex markers, like muscle, body hair and assertiveness and my mental state was consistent with those physical states, irritable and unhappy with myself much of the time. That's how I was when I met my wife 12 years ago.
Four years ago, I got on TRT... BOOM !!! Complete game changer. Got rid of most of my fat and became rather athletic, of course not just because of the TRT but because I also work out very consistently, which the healthy testosterone levels help with improved motivation. I feel fantastic, very little to no psychological episodes of depression, better mental clarity, no brain fog.
The problem is my wife is noticeably less thrilled about me getting in shape. She sees me getting jacked as shallow and childish. She thinks I spend too much time and effort on health and fitness. Even though our, previously for some time almost non-existent sex life improved to on average twice a week, she never compliments my gains. I am into an adventure sport where I change in the parking lot and many co-participants are very complimentary about my state. My wife never. 0 praise.
While I am, on a psychological level very happy about my physical transformation, which has been described by many as miraculous, one person that falls short of being happy about my overall undeniable improvement is my own wife. I can't help but notice it and be suspicious about it. I don't want to belabor much with dark theories behind this observation, they are all just in my head (is she insecure or "mate guarding" or does she want me to be weak and manipulated?). When I initiate a discussion about it, she typically dismisses it as shallow, unimportant (despite me becoming 1000x a happier person), and stonewalls me.
I experience this condition as alarming. I would be happy for her if her existential station improved in any regard. But she does not act like that to me. I am seeking help in 1) diagnosing the roots of her attitude and 2) how to address it, how to re-initiate a conversation about it, and proceed further? I can't escape the feeling that she doesn't want me to be strong, healthy and happy because she may see it as threatening to her abilities to control me in some ways.