Lack of Clarity
Hi,
So I recently finished my second semester of my PhD in Biomedical Sciences. I have been learning a lot of techniques and procedures in the lab with terrible/limited results. Every time I do an experiment, something goes south because I made a mistake, and it feels like I can't do anything right in the lab. My PI is super understanding, but I just feel disappointed. I really do try my best and I know I won't get it perfect the first time, but I have been in my lab since last December and nothing is clicking. Currently, I have no motivation, the semester ended recently and I am burned out, but now I have a summer course starting and I have no motivation to even try. I spend all day in the lab (9am-5/6pm) doing my best. I also don't have time or I guess I don't make the time to read papers, and I know that is my weakness right now. During the semesters, we have to read one paper a week for Journal Club, but now I haven't read any for the past two weeks. I feel like I have no motivation and I am only starting my PhD and have a long road to go. I like my research question/topic but I think I should talk to my PI. I need to meet with her one on one and talk to her about setting a timeline because I really do want to finish in time. And recently, she has set this goal that for lab meetings, I will need to present 3 journal articles that I have read which should get me to read. Maybe it is just because I finished the semester and I am tired, but I really want this to be over. I think I stress about how much I still have to do to graduate. Like I need a lot of results and mice strains take forever to get, imaging takes forever, quantification takes forever, writing isn't even in the picture now, but all of the to do list just haunts me. I know I shouldn't think about the long road ahead but it is just so stressful. Like they want to torture you before you can even consider finishing your degree, which demotivates me. I don't know, maybe I am just ratting at this point, but any advice you have for me is greatly appreciated.