For context, I am 31 years old and she is 34 years old. Kat is her name. We serve in the same Singles Ministry in our local church and we serve in the same team, Facilitators team. She is currently one of the main leaders of the Facilitators team since 2023. We are just acquaintances
I started to serve on that Singles Ministry since 2022, and we have known each other back then when I started serving. In 2024, I started liking her and am interested in her. Prayed about it, and I took the courage to asked her out on April 2024. She did not give a clear response so I asked her out again in July 2024, hoping for a clear response. She did not give me a clear answer still back then. I had the opportunity to have clarity talk with her on September 2024, to finally know where she stands. Sadly, she told me that she is not interested. After the rejection up until today, the relationship is not the same anymore. She is visibly awkward and uncomfortable around me whenever I try to initiate conversation with her in person. Even with me saying "Hi", "Hello" or "Bye" to her in person if I have the opportunity to do so, she is visibly awkward and uncomfortable based on her non verbal cues and her body language. Even when I try to initiate small talk to her in person like "How are you?", she will not even respond. And that is consistent, she will not respond to my small conversations in person. Only "Hi", "Hello" or "Bye" and yeah, she is visibly awkward and uncomfortable based on her non verbal cues and her body language. Sadly, the relationship is not the same anymore after the aftermath of her rejection
When we had the clarity talk last September 2024, I may have said things that came across the wrong way to her. As a result, I might have hurt her or offended her. Because after I said that, she responded back with "You don't tell me what to do" and very visibly angry on her face and she was probably offended on what I said, in which, I really did not intend to offend her. Because on how I said it, it sounded like I was commanding her. Hence, she responded back with "You don't tell me what to do" with visibly anger on her face and again, she was probably offended on what I said to her. In 2025, my manager gave me a random feedback while we were discussing in our 1 on 1 meeting. That there's one part in the message to my co-workers that even though that is not my intention, they might perceive it that I am commanding them and they might get offended on how I said it. She told me next time, you need to improve your delivery on how will you say things to people, so that it will not come across in the wrong way
I acknowledged her feedback and tried to improve it since then, but it did not come across my mind yet on what I said to Kat in our clarity talk in September 2024. April this year, I was spending time with God and His word and God convicted me on the words I have said to Kat before, that she was probably offended on how I said it. I really felt convicted and guilty by that time and as I continue on spending time with God's word, God convicted my heart to reach out to her, apologize on what I said before, and ask for her forgiveness
I did not want to do it back then and I was wrestling with God by that time. I told God that why should I own my part, she should be the one who needs to own her part. Because I told God that if she gave me a clear response back then, then the clarity talk will not happen. But yeah even though it was not my intention to offend her in our clarity talk, I am still responsible for what I said, especially Kat seemed to be offended by how I said it to her. I was really wrestling with God, seeking His word and prayer, and I also stumbled one of the sermons, which is Blessed are the Peacemakers . I really felt convicted by God and finally, God changed my heart to finally reach out to her, own my part, apologize, and for a possible reconciliation with Kat. I even prayed to God and make sure that my motives are pure, that I will not use this to subtly try to pursue her again. Its really more of owning the part of the mistake I made, apologize, asking for her forgiveness and for a possible reconciliation. And I really have the peace inside my heart and I knew that I have God's go signal for me to do it
I sent her a chat message last week. Here is the exact words I told her in the chat message
"Hi Kat! I have been praying about it, and I really feel led by the Holy Spirit to reach out to you. If it is ok with you, would you be open to meeting up for a coffee sometime next week? I feel that on the clarity talk we had last Sept 2024 in the retreat. I realized that I may have said things that came across the wrong way. As a result, I might have hurt you or offended you. Not sure if you still remember it, but it just came back to me recently 🙏🏻 Of course, only if you are okay with it. No pressure and please let me know 🙏🏻"
She did not respond back but by that time, she was travelling abroad with some of the co-volunteers in our Singles Ministry. In which, it is understandable that she might have missed it. So after a week, I sent her a follow up message this Monday. Below is the exact words what I sent to her
"Hi Kat! A gentle follow up on my last chat message 🙏 Let me know if you need more time to think or to pray about it 🙏"
She responded back on the same day in the Evening, below is her response
"Hi! Nope not hurt nor offended. Just not interested sorry! Hehe"
I really feel hurt and so much disappointed on her response. Because I felt like she deliberately shut down the opportunity for us to have the conversation about it in person and does not want to engage further. Especially I have not yet given the full context on what specifically I said to her that she might been hurt or offended. She just responded back that "Nope not hurt nor offended", when the fact on her reaction on how I said those words in the clarity talk, she probably felt offended by that time, based on her reaction and her body language in our clarity talk. And her reply with "Just not interested sorry!", I felt like she really just close the door for us for any more further interaction in person. Its like she does not want to interact with me at all and really shut the door for a possible reconciliation, me clearing things out to her, apologizing and asking for her forgiveness
I really took the risk to initiate peace with her and possible reconciliation with her. As you also said in your sermon, becoming a peacemaker is you need to take risks, regardless on how the other person perceives it. Especially if they perceive your motives are wrong and they might get mad at you for reaching out to them, will not extend forgiveness to you. I did what I could to make peace with her and for a possible reconciliation as I really tried my best to obey God and follow His teachings in the Scripture. Unfortunately, I did not get the results that I wanted and I really feel so sad and disappointed that she responded this way. Especially currently, she is one of the main leaders of the Facilitators team in the Singles Ministry
So far, I really do not know how am I going to move forward with my current situation with her. Especially we are serving in the same ministry and she really seemed does not want to do anything with me anymore and to have any interaction with me at all. I don't know if she thinks that I reached out to her because I have ulterior motives to try to pursue her again. But really, all I wanted to own my part of my mistake, apologize, ask for her forgiveness and for a possible reconciliation and to start over. Unfortunately, she probably does not want that
Any thoughts or advice on my current situation with her on how am I going to move forward with her? Sorry it is a long read, but any advice with my current situation with her will be appreciated. Thank you!