I'm spiraling. This morning I was preparing my baby's breakfast noodles and he came up behind me too quickly and pulled the bowl over before I had time to react. I managed to hide his face but his right chest and arm got the brunt of everything.
I feel so horrible, his crying and screaming is haunting me. I should have known better, I was extra sluggish and tired today when I woke up and everyone else (my mum and great aunt) were asleep and don't usually help me with baby.
He cried for like a good 5 minutes before they woke up realizing it was serious and came to help. Started blaming me and saying why I'm such a screw up and how I'm trynna kill the baby. They then drilled into me what I did wrong when I did what I usually did every morning because they always get mad when I don't have his breakfast done by 7am.
We took him to the hospital and got treated. Just left and are back home. His chest and shoulder got burnt bad and everytime I see it my heart physically hurts, because I feel like I'm such a bad mum. Like I should have known better, I wasn't feeling good and active as I usually do... I should have known that I didn't push the bowl further in. I should have known that he'd probably come up behind me.
I should have left him in his jumper, but he hates it and always shouts. Which doesn't bother me because it only for when i get stuff done. But in the morning on weekends everyone always complains and gets cross to me for making him shout that early in the morning. So i feel guilty for disturbing anyone and let him stay out and put on his show while i prepare his food.
I've done it, what feels like a hundred times. I just dont know where I went wrong and I've been trying to understanding that the whole day while we were in hospital and now that he's sleeping at hime peacefully.