u/Draevoren

So in my last post, I talked about being at that point of quiet/silent desperation and just packing a suitcase and moving out. Well, assets have been divided, financial matters agreed upon, forms signed etc, and I’m now kick starting my healing journey and have my first therapy appointment today. It’s a small private practice near the beach. I’m sat under a tree with a coffee, air pods in, and taking in the coastline while I wait for my scheduled time. Inside of me may feel turbulent but now there is space to also become whole and feel truly alive. For too long I shrunk myself, minimised my needs, apologised when not at fault and sacrificed who I am for someone else. Now it’s time to meet and accept the man in the mirror and rebuild.

Thanks for the support of this community. We all have been through a lot and I’m sure we could write books about our shared experiences.

I finally worked up the courage to execute my exit strategy today. Last night was me at my absolute limit. The finger of blame was pointed at me and I endured an hour long lecture as to why I’m 100% the reason our relationship came to an end. I was too emotionally exhausted to even defend myself, and I figured, what’s the point? So I went online and booked myself 2 weeks temporary accomodation until I move into my unit and I ride out the storm of our house being sold and division of other assets.

Today feels heavy, it feels new, and my nervous system is on high alert. However, I soldiered through and I just quietly packed a suit case and left. Once I arrived at my accomodation I felt that I could finally breathe. I found myself just sitting and enjoying complete silence today - no harsh criticisms, judgment or blame. Just enjoying a sunny day and a gentle breeze in a safe space I can call my own.