In a two week time period I (29F) basically had to cut my MIL (50F) out due to her behavior. I have 3 kids, 4G, 2M, and 1M. We live around the corner from MIL and SIL lives across the street from MIL. Multiple story's.
She was watching her other grandson (3M, SIL's kid) and decided to come over and then take a phone call and walk out of the room. Newphew has a horrible hitting and choke hold problem when he doesn't get his way, he stops when corrected sternly. So MIL isn't in the room and he starts hitting my 2 year old repeatedly, I tell him to stop like I always have. MIL walks back in the room and starts laying into me acting like I have it out for him and then tells me I'm not allowed to correct him anymore and that if he is doing something then I need to call for her or SIL who like to zone into their phones to correct him. Skip a head 2 weeks and we are sitting on the couch watching the kids play and literally 3 ft in front of us he starts pulling my daughters hair. So per what she said I had to sit there and watch my child fus and say stop repeatedly for probably 30 seconds before she looked up from her phone to correct him.
Before the hair pulling but about 4 days after she laid into me about correcting nephew she went unhinged and caused a fight with everyone. She invited nephew over to her place which always gets her worked up as he has seperation issues and when he wants something and gets told no he resorts to hitting and throwing things. Typical for some 3 year olds but she can't handle it and i guess this day was particularly bad. So she caused a fight with her daughter over how she worded something, yelled at her husband and my husband and I got the worst of it. SIL was at work and her husband left for work so we were the only ones easily available as I'm a stay at home mom and my husband gets home from work at 2pm. She went as far as telling us we were pathetic, lazy and what really hurt my husband is he's not a man and can't even comapre himself to his dad. I stayed silent despite her saying things about me. My husband got an apology and I have not despite her knowing i was right there when she said everything and is now acting like nothing happened.
A couple days later she invited us over to play with a kids sprinkler thing she got. My husband said yes despite me not wanting to go. She was watching Nephew again so I put my husband in charge of our older two while I care for our 1 year old who can't walk yet. Things seemed ok and at the end of it I try to help and do the dishes which she deems need to be done by hand. So I get to her cup and open it and it has a little bit still left in the bottom but it smells of alcohol, strongly. She has issues of high blood pressure to the point she has been taken to the Er for it and alcohol doesn't help with it never mind she was drinking while also baby sitting nephew.
She also claims our three kids are a lot easier then Nephew and enjoys watching them. So we reminded her she said she would watch our kids for us at the begging of the month for 2 days but not over night and we would do breakfast both days and dinner one night so we can go to a convention we go to every year. She went off saying when did this happen when did we ask this and it hasn't been on the calander. That she has plans one of those days now so we are out of luck that day and had a fit saying she's old and how dare we ask her to watch the kids for 15 hours the other day with 5 of those hours of the kids being asleep. Mind you we asked her this back in June and it's now April. We also remind her multiple times and had it written on her calendar. I pointed out to my husband that this is basically our vacation as she took a 12 day vacation last month where we were at her house constantly caring for her dogs. Add on she pushed SIL to take a 4 day vacation at the beginning of the month saying she would watch her three kids, the nephew and two 3 month old twins. But our vacation not vacation is a problem, never mind the previous two times we asked to go out which were for special occasions (my birthday and our anniversary) she said yes but then met us with hostility the day of. If she said no we would have no issue asking my parents which are difficult to arange as they are a 30 minute drive away compared to around the corner or just not going. But she says yes and then has a problem with it but only when it comes to us as she is constantly bending over backwards to help SIL.
Throw in I'm not blind and nephew's birthday is this month and they got him a $250 power wheels. While the one bought for our kids ended up at SILs house because once it arrived it was given to them instead of us so it's no longer ours. And I just had my 1 year old and 4 year olds birthday pass at the beginning of the year. My 1 year old got nothing and my 4 year old and only girl got a $25 paw patrol toy which my MIL graciously claimed is staying at her house for all the kids to play with. My poor 2 year old also got just one little monster truck for his birthday. SIL also only got my 2 year a gift for his birthday but it was a regift squishmallow that she waited days after his birthday to give him. While we've always done $30 to $50 gifts for her kid and planned to continue that until the inequality started showing. To add this isnt about money, if anything SiL and her husband make more money then we do as they do have a joint income and good jobs and don't pay for baby sitting as they have MIL watch the kids. SIL is just cheap and would rather save that money to get her kid something then a present my kids. Yes she is that parent that would bring an item for her kid to open on someone else birthday just so he feels involved even if its just something little or a toy he already has.
Its to the point I want to move, and completely stonewall them and only see them on special occasions. She can ask to see them and sleep overs like she used to but at this point after the last two weeks after she turned 50 the answer will be no. She acts like since she hit the big 50 that she can now have no filter and deems that while she is part of our village its to hard to actually be helpful in anyway.