Hi everyone, I’ve been a lurker for a while and this is my first time posting.
I’m a 30-year-old gay man. I’m pretty masculine and tend to be attracted to other masculine guys. I’m also shy and introverted, and I didn’t start dating until my mid-20s. I’ve always struggled a bit connecting with other men, I grew up mostly around women (my mom and sisters, cousins), so I find it a lot easier to talk to women than men.
I’ve only been in one relationship, when I was 26. It lasted about a year, and I ended it because he didn’t want to move forward into something serious. It hurt at the time, but I knew it was the right decision. Since then, I’ve focused on improving myself, finishing college, and getting a job in my field (which I’ve had for about 2 years now). I’ve also realized hookups aren’t for me, I’m more interested in something meaningful.
At my job, I met a coworker I’ll call “R” (35M). The first time we met was during a walkthrough, we just introduced ourselves, shook hands, and that was it. I remember thinking he was cute, but nothing more at the time.
For a while, our schedules didn’t match, so we barely saw each other. I focused on my work and got more comfortable with my coworkers. About a year ago, his schedule changed and we started working together more often.
R has always been friendly, and at first I struggled to talk to him, but over time I opened up. We realized we share a lot of interests, the game Legend of Zelda, Marvel movies, anime, etc. At first, I was just happy to have a friend like him.
But over time, I started developing stronger feelings.
Now I can honestly say I have a crush on him… and I think I might be falling for him.
The thing is, he’s straight. He had a girlfriend until recently, and even though he’s single now, I know that doesn’t really change things.
When I’m around him, I feel different. We can talk for a long time (which is rare for me), and we joke around a lot (even stuff like flipping each other off). I catch myself noticing little things about him, like his eyes, his hair, his voice, and sometimes I even find myself looking at him when he’s not paying attention. I just feel really comfortable around him. Sometimes I catch myself thinking about him a lot, even before going to sleep.
This is where I feel confused, because I’ve never connected with someone like this before.
How do I manage these feelings in a healthy way while keeping the friendship intact?
I don’t want to confess and make things awkward or ruin the friendship. I’d honestly be happy just having him in my life, but I also don’t know how to deal with these feelings or move forward in a healthy way.
I’d really appreciate any advice or experiences. Thanks for reading.