Asking in good faith, this is a serious question and I am seeking as many perspectives as possible.
My spouse (36NB, transmasc) and I (34F) have been together for 9 years, married for 3. They medically transitioned (testosterone, top surgery) about 5 years into our relationship; before that, we were two women in a lesbian relationship.
I love my spouse and I love being married to them. Their transition caused some identity questions for me that I think I pretty successfully worked through and still happily consider myself a lesbian. However, since their transition, their sexuality has undergone a fair amount of change as well. I always had a higher libido than them, even pre-transition, but was happy with our sex life. Since they began their transition, their sex drive has absolutely tanked and they have zero interest in sex. They also have expressed that they have been more curious about men sexually, and that they have been surprised at how much their sexual orientation has changed since transitioning.
This makes me feel incredibly sad and insecure, as it feels that my spouse is actively not attracted to me anymore, doesn't desire me at all, and wishes they were with someone completely different from me. I know they love me; they say it all the time and show it through their actions. But not feeling desired by my spouse hurts, and as a cis lesbian, being with someone who is suddenly curious about and interested in men sexually when they have NEVER been before is extremely bizarre and destabilizing. My spouse is not a man, but coming to terms with their transmasculinity has been a journey for me, and it just feels incredibly deflating to have done all of that work on myself and our relationship for them to not be interested in me sexually anymore.
The more I write this out the more it's becoming abundantly clear that this is a therapy problem. But just wondering if anyone has experienced this in their relationships? Most of the partners of transmasc people I know have had the experience of their partner becoming much more sexual and voracious, and it's hard to be coming from such a different place. I love my spouse and I don't want this to be the thing that we can't overcome but I'm scared it will be.