In 2014 I was graduating high school in Texas and for my senior summer I was going to take my high school sweetheart (we will call him Zach) with me to visit my family in Louisiana and then California. Two days before my graduation My dad showed up from Louisiana with my brother, sister, and grandma to see me graduate. I was ecstatic! We had a hard time convincing my dad to come as the story of my life with him was that there was never enough Money or time to come see me but my mom threatened him with something because he did end up showing up.
After they arrived I started doing the math and realized there wasn’t enough seats for me and Zach. I asked what the plan was and they told me the trip wasn’t happening, a trip that had been planned most of my senior year. I asked why and they gave the typical, “grandma wanted to see you graduate so there isn’t enough seats” But I already had my drivers license and I bought my own car so I told them no worries Ill drive, I had enough money saved from my two part time jobs that I would be able to pay for gas and anything extra for the trip. They still said no, I didn’t understand why they didn’t want us to go. My grandfather ended up texting me and told me that I was not welcomed and to have a nice life.
The conversation with my grandfather was short and to the point, he had disowned me and I wasn’t welcome but I didn’t understand why, there was never a real reason given. I was angry with the rest of my family as they were just as confused but never said anything, they are pretty old school and he was the head of the household so whatever he said goes. So I gave up. I graduated and took Zach to California to meet my moms side of the family while my dad went back to Louisiana with his side of the family. I was heart broken and couldn’t do anything more so I stopped talking to them and I started my new nice life.
Fast forward to 2026, I now have a better relationship with my dad and can talk to him about hard conversations and have found it very healing. In the last year he has reached out to let me know my grandfather has been diagnosed with dementia and if I had anything I wanted to say now would be the time. This flooded me with a rollercoaster of emotions.
My grandfather has always been a quiet but demanding presence in our lives and other than the one event at my graduation I have never had any other issues and to this day I still don’t understand that situation.
I didn’t have anything to say and was hurt that in the last 12 years he never reached out, why is it my responsibility to fix? Now my family is telling me they thing he was sick in 2014 but because he’s so quiet and keeps to himself they didn’t notice, my family thinks he started to become mean in the last 12 years due to the dementia. Now I don’t know a lot about dementia and how long someone can be effected without others knowing but 12 years seems like a long time for that. My grandfather was also diagnosed with cancer and doesn’t have too much longer, so again my father reached out to let me know in case I wanted to say anything. I thought I came to terms with this years ago but now im thinking am I the asshole? What if he really was sick back then?