I’m [22M] unsure about things with my partner [25F].
For some backstory, my partner and I have been together for almost 2 years. We’ve lived together that entire time and got along really well up until there was some major drama with someone else in our house.
I was being treated basically like garbage by this person (same age) and she defended him the entire time, even siding with and leaving me totally alone during arguments that were started by him genuinely insulting me and lying to my face.
Since then I’ve felt a lot less bonded to her even though we’re engaged. Some of it has been gradual but more and more often she’ll just shoot down my ideas or jokes instead of being curious, which is what she used to do when we got together. She’ll also doubt and check almost any fact I say out loud, and not in the way where she wants to learn more but in the way where she immediately disagrees with me about topics I’ve known for years.
One really big issue that’s especially gotten noticeable with the move is that, since the beginning, they don’t really seem to see us as both equally undeserving of suffering. I’ve spent Thanksgiving alone, had her leave the day after my birthday to go help the guy that bullied me move in with us, and been told that it upsets her when I talk about how unhappy I am in our living situation and city. Coming off of that she told me that she’s worried about moving because she’d have no one, but we both actively have basically no one and would have been moving to somewhere that we’d both have people. She also tends to just go for advice when I’m upset even though I’ve had to BEG her to just listen and be present for me while I’m hurting.
Kind of smaller version of that, but she’s kind of decided to do stuff in a way where it makes both of our lives harder to benefit her. She kept waking me up over and over to hand her the water, and instead of cleaning and using a separate bottle or just reaching over me she decided to keep the water bottle on her side of the bed and have me reach over her, which doesnt really work because she’s such a light sleeper and I’m smaller than her (this HAS made me worse during migraines and hangovers. i have my own bottle now)
All that aside (on top of some lying and gaslighting on a small scale, and somehow getting me to apologize every time i set a boundary or feel any type of bad) I’m also just not sexually attracted to her anymore. I used to be a lot, and it isn’t like she’s changed physically in a way that would cause it, but I’m just not into sex with her. Lately she’s also been doing some stuff both in and out of the bedroom that feels like she’s intentionally trying to make me uncomfortable (randomly spitting like WAYYY too much into my mouth while we’re kissing, which makes me want to tear my hair out, showing me stuff I’ve told her I don’t like and then acting weird when I don’t pretend to like it, so on)
I’m kind of miserable and burnt out. I love her but with everything that’s happened and how she’s treated me I feel horrible and can’t see myself staying happy in this situation. I keep trying to make it work but it so obviously isn’t, and I don’t even know how to bring it up to her because she’s really sensitive and I don’t want it to be another fight or just an immediate end. It’s all really time sensitive because we have to sign a lease together by July, and it has to be long-term because of our finances and I think the stress is making it that much worse.