Hi, this is technically my first reddit post like this, sorry if there're any mistakes. Also sorry for the long read.
So I (18M) came out as trans around 3-4 months ago. I've had the realization way earlier, but back then I was too scared and thought it would be easier to live as a cis girl than a trans guy. When I came out to my mom around two months ago (I tried to be subtle about it at first) with the words "I think I want to be a boy", she wasn't very enthusiastic. "No, no, don't even tell me that. You've never felt this way before, yadda yadda." I told her I did, how it manifested in my childhood and that I've felt this way for a long time and just wasn't ready to admit it (Also worth mentioning that for a moment in 2020 when I was 12-13 I actually identified as a trans guy, but then decided I'm non-binary which lasted a few months before returning to the cis girl label, mostly cuz I didn't want to get bullied in hs, (I don't remember what caused the switch from ftm to nb) but mom refuses to acknowledge that and only remembers my "they-them phase"), but she didn't really believe it and kept making excuses why "I wasn't like that before" and how feminine I was and how it supposedly didn't bother me.
Anyway, a little after my coming-out, I wanted to say that she's making progress, since she kinda corrected herself after misgendering me, but currently, I don't think it's accidental at all.
My younger sister (14F) switched to male pronouns when referring to me within a day. My two youngest sisters (both 8F), after I more or less explained what transgender means, switched within a week, and are now constantly correcting my mom whenever she misgenders me. Even my father, who seemed a little reluctant at first, switched to male pronouns when I explained that it kinda hurt when he called me 'she', and now, if he slips up, he corrects himself immediately without me saying anything.
As for my mom, she keeps calling me 'she' and by my deadname constantly, and only really corrects herself when I cough suggestively or correct her up front. She honestly seems annoyed that she has to call me 'he'. And also, when recalling some childhood memories of mine, she says "she" and my deadname and justifies it by saying that I "was a little girl back then" and so on. She also mentioned that in her mind I'm her daughter, and "it's not that easy to switch".
One time, when she sighed after I corrected her on the pronouns thing, I said that it hurts me more than it does her, and she started arguing with me about it. That "it can't be measured" and stuff like that. She also gets pretty upset when I mention wanting to start testosterone, she claims it's out of concern that I'll change my mind.
Even though she claims she just wants me to be happy, and will accept me whether I'm a girl or a guy, I don't feel like she does. I mentioned to my younger sister (the 14yo) that I feel like mom sees it as a phase that'll pass and doesn't actually view me as a guy and I don't think she ever will, and my sister confirmed it. I mean, she confirmed that, from her conversation with mom, it did seem like she thinks it's only a phase.
(Another thing worth mentioning is that whenever I mention any ftm friend, whom I never addressed differently than 'he', and mom finds out he's trans, she'll somehow call him 'she' and then claims it was a slip-up)
I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I don't really want to throw the 'transphobic' accusation around without a reason, but I'm starting to think she might be, and I don't know how to talk to her about it. If I even subtly suggest she might have a problem with trans people, she'll start arguing that she doesn't care if someone's a guy or a girl and has never had a problem with the community.
TL;DR, I think my mom is being passively transphobic and doesn't seem to accept me and Idk what to do
Any advice?