It was all a facade.
This is probably going to be long, but here it goes.
My husband and I have been together for almost 8 years, only married for two. We have two children, his biological daughter that I adopted when her mother passed when she was 3, and we share a 4 year old son.
Things haven’t always been easy, my husband is not a present father, prefers to be out with his friends smoking cigars and drinking. He’s a professional poker player and enjoys the lifestyle, while I’m a SAHM that adores the kids and honestly love hanging out with them. My husband has never changed his lifestyle for us, just found ways to keep his party lifestyle going while attempting to be a “family man”.
I, myself, have done a lot of work to better myself, as I have CPTSD. Therapy, yoga, self reflection, medication, meetings with Adult Children of Alcoholics. In this process, I choose a sober lifestyle as it reflected more of who I am, and who I want to be. My husband suffers from depression and anxiety, attempted help. Did a little bit of therapy, and together did couple’s therapy. However he is a problematic drinker. He’s aware of this, and does bouts of getting sober, but it never lasts long. But I was receptive to his needs, and did my part in bettering our relationship. I thought we were going strong.
Until a month ago, he asked for a divorce. This is not the first time he mentioned it, and basically said he’s checked out. He said I could stay in the house with the kids, while he comes and goes. “Nesting” I learned this is called, and he would support me financially for the next 15 years. We saw a lawyer immediately (first 🚩 ) and wrote all the terms down. As hurt as I was that he wanted a divorce, I thought he was being really compassionate in the way he was treating me and also in the way he was not interrupting the kids’ lives in a traumatic way.
He got a rental house only minutes down the street, he said because he “wasn’t sure if I would want space right away”. However, I let my anger towards him go and we’ve been hanging like nothing happened. He’s basically here all the time, but sleeps in my son’s room while I sleep with the kids in our bed. I thought we were doing great as partners and coparents.
Until yesterday. He told me started seeing someone. And not only that, but he brought her down from where she lives an hour away, on his birthday to celebrate with his friends on Tuesday. She met friends I’ve known for years. I’m friends with their wives. Our kids have sleep overs together. It has only been a month. We’re not even legally divorced yet. I find out they’ve been seeing each other AT LEAST 2 weeks after he asked for the divorce. As he has a ton of photos of her on phone (I was spiraling last night and looked at his photos on his iPad). Selfies of her, of him and her. It does not look casual. He’s taking her out to breakfast and dinners at our local restaurants that we frequent, they go out drinking during the day. but wants to keep it from our kids.
The pain is guttural. I’ve never known such agony. I feel betrayed, and stupid for believing the lies he had been telling me. I basically do not know how to move forward. I am super close with his mother and family, and my husband, kids and I are going to visit her soon at her condo in NC. At first I thought we were going make this all work, and now I’m so unbelievably hurt and blindsided. I haven’t told his mother yet, as I know she will also be equally hurt (she sobbed for days when he told her we were getting divorced) but I don’t want to protect him anymore. He made a choice, and now the beautiful coparenting relationship and friendship (at least for now) can not exist. He finally found someone who can get drunk on a Tuesday afternoon with him.