u/Dramatic_Drawer3600

Long story short ((ish)) I married my husband as a brand new (like 9 months in) Christian. We both were raised in broken homes and we admittedly had no idea what we are doing. 15 years and 3 kids later, I have an underlying feeling of misery with my husband, and sometimes an overwhelming feeling of regret for my decision to marry him. He has never been a striver or an achiever. My younger self liked that he was kind of rebellious and unbothered by status and money. But when we started having kids, I knew that poverty was simply not going to work for us. So I went back to the career I had before I met him. It offers fantastic benefits, 100k + salary, and a very solid retirement plan. Since my job is so demanding, we agreed that he would stay home with our kids. We didn’t want to put them in daycare or public schools (something that I am still VERY adamant about and won’t ever change my mind) At the time, it seemed like a good choice, but over the years I have started to resent the fact that I am the one that has to spend time away from my children. And it is time that I will never get back. My job has afforded us a better lifestyle and health benefits for our kids that have multiple health issues. But part of me wishes that he would have been the one to sacrifice for his family, fight for a good job and provide for us, so that I could stay home and raise our 3 kids. How do I reconcile with this? I’m not interested in advice to change up our lifestyle. I have to finish out this career, only 3.5 years until I can retire. I’m really interested in learning how to accept, forgive, and move on knowing that we are living in a way that was never God’s design. We have a solid marriage, other than this issue. Thanks so much!