i think i ruined my marriage yesterday
i don’t have much to say. other than i’m the king of self sabotage. it’s like i thrive in chaos and am always looking for something to be wrong. for her to say she hates me and doesn’t really wanna be with me. i’m sure it’s trauma but it’s ruining us and i hate myself more for it. i love her truly; and she’s the greatest, strongest, most amazing woman i know. i just hate that i can’t be the man she deserves. sometimes i feel like it would be better if i disappeared. i’m laying right next to her and i feel a thousand miles away. any advice on how to be at peace with being okay in a relationship (other than therapy im trying to get into that) is genuinely welcomed. i want to be better. it’s exhausting living everyday miserable with the person i’ve become.