I've been thinking..
This role is so complex.
I love my stepdaughter, atleast I believe I do. She's actually an excellent child and surprisingly I was exactly like her when I was young (she's more like me than her bio parents).
But I don't understand my love for her. I want to see her, but I also don't want to see her. I get happy for a split second that I will see her over the weekend and then that happiness quickly turns into anxiety.
I care for her but I can also go a long time without seeing her and be totally fine with that.
I haven't missed her once while she's been away and live my life without mentioning her at all... But then I cried when she went on a trip alone with BM to a faraway state.
I cried for her when I saw her carry her little bag and leave the house to go see her grandma because my spouse and I needed alone time one night. But I was just as anxious when she came back the same week.
I want her to do well in life. I invested in math classes for her, trained her in school, did homework with her... But I secretly worry about not having enough resources for my own kid if I invest in her.
Stepparenting is such a psychologically confusing role sometimes.
Does anyone know what the heck is going on lol?