29M from Bangalore — Doing everything “right” but still ending up alone
29M, Tamil guy from Bangalore here.
Recently, over the last couple of months, my parents started searching for a girl for my marriage. From my side, I signed up on Shaadi.com. I received a few requests — some managed by families and some by the girls themselves.
A couple of weeks ago, a girl sent me a request. I accepted it, and we chatted a bit. I told her I’d like to understand each other well before proceeding further. But she used to reply very late. If I texted her, she would reply the next day. This continued for a few days. Then I suggested we connect over a call. She agreed, we fixed a time, and I even postponed a few work calls for it. I texted her asking, “Can I call you now?” — and she never replied. Just like that, she ghosted me. No text, nothing.
Like, come on… she could have simply said she wasn’t interested or didn’t want to proceed. But nope, she just disappeared. Never mind, I let it go.
Then about a week ago, I got another request. Same story — we chatted, but this time the girl called me. We spoke for a while, and she seemed nice. The only thing was that she had left her job around 6 months ago and was staying at home. She kept saying she didn’t want to work until she got married. Since I’m in Bangalore, she also kept saying, “I love living in Bangalore.” I honestly didn’t understand it. Why not get a job then?
A couple of times I asked her about work, and she said, “I don’t like jobs.” I replied, “Tell me who does.”
I didn’t argue with her. That was it. The conversation ended naturally.
Then yesterday, I connected with another girl from Chennai. We spoke really well. We talked for almost 4 hours straight on WhatsApp. I practically summarized my entire life to her. The conversation was super chill, and she matched my vibe perfectly.
We spoke about music, concerts, series, and everything else — The Boys, Friends, GOT, badminton, karting… it honestly felt like such a nice match. I felt genuinely happy after a long time.
After the call, I had a couple of evening work calls to attend, so my focus shifted there. Meanwhile, she texted me asking for my biodata and family pictures.
Within an hour, she sent this:
“I liked talking to you and you genuinely seem really nice. But after thinking about it, I feel a little unsure about fitting in from my side. I’m feeling confused, so I just wanted to be honest.
Wishing you all the best and I’m really sorry for this.”
I was stunned.
I replied:
“You don’t have to apologize. It’s alright. Good luck to you as well.”
Now I keep asking myself — why is this happening to me?
Do all men in their late 20s or early 30s go through this?
I work in Bangalore, make six figures a month, live in a rented gated community, and bought my bike and car with my own hard-earned money. I also helped build commercial property back in my hometown. I have savings, and I spend on things I genuinely enjoy. I focus on health more than anything. I’ve never smoked, and I’m not a fan of alcohol either.
I’m average-looking, maybe.
My family back home doesn’t depend on me financially. They have farming land. My sister also works in Bangalore. The only thing is my parents aren’t educated. They focused their whole lives on making sure both of us studied well and had a future. They may not look rich or live fancy lifestyles, but that doesn’t mean they can’t afford things. They absolutely can.
My question is — where are all those Instagram feminists who say women prioritize character over looks and money? Where are they now? What exactly did I do wrong?
Is being average-looking not enough? Is it because my parents are farmers? What’s the issue?
I genuinely feel like I did everything right in life.
I have limited friends, but the people close to me always say the girl I marry will be lucky. Yes, I failed in love twice before, but I moved on. I worked hard through everything and reached a stable place in life.
Yet now, I feel stuck.
I feel anxious thinking I may never find someone. Maybe it’s self-doubt. I don’t know anymore.
Where are the women who genuinely want something real? Are they all already married? In relationships? Should I have found someone earlier in life?
Sometimes I feel like I believed too much in the idea that if you work hard, success will follow.
And yes, career-wise, it did.
But if I can’t find someone to genuinely share life with… then what exactly is this success worth?
Sometimes it just feels empty.