Hey, guys. I’ve been with my partner for a year and a half. Living together for the past 8 months. I messed up along the way. So badly. And I own up to it. I do. It was a messy first interaction with my partner. Now we are not a thing and she was hurting really bad the first week. Now it’s like she is changed. Meanwhile, I’ve been hurting the whole time from my actions and for making her feel the way she did.
I’ve got to be honest. Despite my errors, this girl is the one I want to be with for the rest of my life. I have been in other relationships before but this woman is it for me. I know it sounds contradictory. I know. But please, bear with me.
Since her being changed, I’ve been in a highly anxious state. Our lease is up in 2 and a half months. And my building has to be notified if we want to renew or not in the next 3 weeks. With that said, my now ex partner have had a couple of conversations in the past couple of weeks. She does love me. Very much. She has told me. And I her. And after that first week of her grieving and being depressed, she is changed and acting cool. As in almost indifferent. And even in that state, we have been acting like a couple, because of me. Because I cannot bear her being different and not show her love towards me. And she has been entertaining me, if you will. But she strongly feels that she needs to heal on her own and live on her own. She says she wants to learn to trust again. And I asked her why we couldn’t just heal together and maybe just move to a different place and start on a clean slate. I also told her that there is nobody I want to be with than her. Nothing could be truer. And that in whatever ways I know how to, that I would be making it up to her. But she isn’t receptive to that. She says she wants me to hold myself accountable and other things. And I am holding myself accountable. I am. I feel like I am. I just feel like she is waiting me to say some magic words or something that’ll make her reconsider her decision. And I’m not some therapist that knows exactly what to say, especially when I’ve never been in this situation before. Now even though she does want to move out on her own, I wouldn’t say that she feels that she is done with me. We do love each other dearly. We still say it to each other.
Somebody please help. I seriously do not know what to do. Like I want to give her space because I feel so terrible and convicted. But I also want to be present with her, knowing that our time together is so limited. Or to continue trying to convince her not to leave even though I know that won’t work. My eyes are so teary eyed as I’m putting all this together.
I swear I’m a changed person after this screw up. I swear I am. I just wish she could see that and that she would be willing to fix things together as opposed to taking a separate route and healing as individuals.