u/DramatikEncounter

To give context, I \[24M\] recently had my first time with a girl \[26F\] I met a month ago and stayed in daily contact with.

Though I did have two separate relationships in the past I didn’t feel ready back then and refused sleeping with both of them. Indeed, I knew we weren’t seeing the relationship in the same way and I didn’t want to take advantage of her. So, back to the issue. We had a date, it was amazing and then she followed me to my hotel and we slept together. I didn’t tell her it was my first time for multiple reasons. First I thought it would kill the mood, then I felt like it wouldn’t be a shared moment since we wouldn’t be on an equal footing and it’d be about giving to me instead of a moment for us and yes, to be honest, I feared her reaction, I feared that being rejected now would put an end to whatever we were trying to build.

Long story short, after the act, I felt truly close to her, she was very kind and told me it was great so I felt like I had to tell her right away. So I did. And she was surprised but I didn’t think much since we spent like half an hour together after that but then, she said she was taking an uber home to get some sleep, a shower, her toothbrush etc… I didn’t think much of it (though I would have loved if she’d stay) but when I woke up, she sent me a text cancelling our plan for the day saying she was feeling self conscious about what happened. I let her some space but I did ask her to call me later, which she did. She explained to me that not letting her know that it was my first time was a tremendous mistake, that I broke a trust she might have given too easily, that I haven’t been honest with her and that she felt betrayed (she did say more but I let you imagine the rest). She explained to me that her past let her see this mistake in a complete different way than I do. I feel so bad and guilty yet i can’t wrap it around my head that it’s something I should have told her. I respect her feelings and I’m really putting myself into question…

What I am asking is if you could share your opinion on this in the first place and if I should try getting back to her cause I started developing actual feelings for her and had the most wonderful date ever.