Hi everyone! This will just be a quick one as I'm looking for both advice or anyone who may be in the same boat as me.
Recently, I have been attending therapy and I have found that with my therapist's guidance, I have been improving massively on how I manage my rocd. This week in particular has been pretty peaceful, I have been able to easily bat away intrusive thoughts and just put them down to the rocd rather than my actual conscious pattern of thought.
However, this weekend I stayed with my boyfriend and the entire time I was with him I had this little voice in the back of my head telling me something wasn't right. It made me feel like I was faking my every interaction with him and like I couldn't enjoy our time spent together. When I got home this evening I spiralled badly and came to the conclusion that I was only staying to protect my boyfriend from getting hurt and I no longer wanted to be in the relationship. This made me cry a lot but it felt steady, certain and like the right decision for me, my mind even stopped automatically attempting to disprove any negative thoughts about my relationship that I got.
It's a few hours later now and I feel better, I know I don't want to leave him but I still feel anxious about that clarity I felt and how ready I was just to message him and tell him that I loved him but I didn't think I could carry on. I am scared that I am ignoring the fact that I managed to finally uncover the truth and that I'm just not invested in our relationship anymore.
I'm just wondering if anyone else has experienced anything as convincing as this and if so, how did you work on it and manage to overcome it in order to save a relationship that you know you value and want to work. Thank you to anyone who takes their time to respond :)