I don't feel anything anymore but pain and can barely eat, idk what to do TW: Suicide
Hi,
I (26F) am basically at my wits end. I've been chronically ill for 9 years now, and my health issues have progressed to the point where I have constant stomach and head pain that make me feel empty inside. I literally feel nothing anymore and no antidepressants have helped. I can barely eat food because it gets stuck inside me and makes me throw up, and since I also have major acidity issues, the only solution is drinking something acidic to push the food through, which makes me feel awful. Doctors have diagnosed me with gastroparesis because of this, but won't give me surgery, because the acidity is pushing it through even though it's hurting me so much. I've tried various diets and PPI's but none of them have helped either.
Basically all I feel is pain now and it has gotten harder and harder to sleep and I don't know what to do. I haven't seen my girlfriend in a week because the last time I saw her I started crying and told her I couldn't feel anything. I've lived with my parents and bigoted sister for two years now because of how bad my health has gotten and I'm so scared I'll never get to live on my own in a safe place again. I don't know if I'll ever work again, I'm on my 4th time trying to get on disability because they keep denying me. This is the first time I've genuinely considered suicide in a long time because I don't even feel like a person anymore. I'm such a happy bright-eyed girl when I'm healthy but I'm just hollow and scared now.
If anyone has any tips on if there are in-patient hospitals for physical issues like this I can go to please let me know! I don't know if a mental health clinic would help but maybe. I'm in southeast Wisconsin if that helps. Any other advice or support is also welcome, I really hope I can find a solution or maybe a way to get a doctor to get me a feeding tube or something, I just want to be able to eat again and walk and feel like a person.
If it comes to it, if anyone has advice on the steps to getting (MAID), please let me know about that as well. Hopefully it doesn't come to that but I don't know how this will progress.