I care about my girlfriend but I feel emotionally drained and I don’t know if it’s me, ADHD, or the relationship
(DX m20) me and my girlfriend(F19) just hit 3 years together and lately I’ve been questioning things. I don’t think I’m unhappy exactly, but I also don’t feel very sure about the future either. I’ve kind of just been going with the flow for a while.
Recently we had a situation where she planned a trip for our anniversary, but I forgot my best friend’s baby shower was on the same dates so I asked if we could move it. She got upset but changed the dates. Then I wasn’t sure if I could get the new days off work because my manager said she’d “try.” My girlfriend ended up canceling the trip before knowing I actually did get approved off work. On top of all that, I completely forgot to even tell her happy anniversary the day of because I was thinking we’d celebrate on the trip instead.
Now she feels like I don’t care about her and honestly I understand why she feels that way.
But the deeper issue is I’ve been feeling emotionally drained in the relationship for a while and I don’t know what to do about it. I have diagnosed ADHD and I struggle with consistency, remembering things, communication, etc., but I don’t want to use that as an excuse either.
A lot of times I feel overwhelmed by relationship expectations. If I don’t call every day, there’s attitude. If I don’t constantly update my location when I’m out, there’s attitude. If I just want to play the game and decompress quietly, there’s attitude. Eventually I start mentally shutting down and seeming detached or mellow because I feel pressured instead of naturally connected.
The other issue is I feel like we honestly don’t have much in common anymore. We can spend time together, but there’s not much we naturally sit and talk about. Sometimes I feel like I care about her feelings more than I feel emotionally invested in the relationship itself, and that makes me feel guilty.
I don’t think she’s a bad person at all. I think she wants more reassurance and closeness than I naturally give. But I also don’t know if I’m emotionally checked out or just overwhelmed.
Has anybody else with ADHD experienced this?