u/DressageCurmudgeon

I am having trouble articulating myself here! So bear with me -

I was thinking about the fact that - it seems to me - the desire to feel "special", centre of attention and be relevant in society is one of the drivers as to whether people I know (have known) decide to have babies. They would never admit it of course, but.. nothing brings more attention one's way than having a baby.

And that the childfree people I know don't seem to care as much about following the road map of life that leads to moments where everyone feels obliged to gather 'round and make you feel special. They just do their thing (whatever that is).

Based on this - I am wondering how many childfree people had a big "look at me! It's my special day!" weddings.

Having a giant wedding and a having baby are both skill free, brain-dead ways you can get everyone to shower you in attention so I would assume that people who don't need children to be relevant - also don't need weddings - since they don't care about the adoration. If being center of attention was a driver in their life - they would have a kid.

Thoughts?

(56F - lived common law for 21 yrs then had a wedding w 10 people)

I know many of you are much younger than I am (56) and look forward to the day you get your friends back! When their children grow up and have lives of their own so you can spend time talking about something other than their children!

PSA - it doesn't happen. Instead, you get friends who have these total asshole adult people in their lives, that they want to tell you all about! And yet no matter how douchey these people may be - your answer can never be - why are you still tolerating that jerk - walk away! Because the jerk is their son or daughter and no amount of jerkieness will break the majikal bond.

Person living rent free in your house and won't leave? Can't see that ever happening to me. Pregnant single woman expecting you to come over and do her bidding for free because baby daddy doesn't want a baby? Nope, not something I would do. Someone smashed up your car while borrowing it without permission? That would end a friendship right there for me, but not if it is your adult child...everything is forgiven. And so on. And on.

I am so sick of hearing parents complain about what losers their adult kids are - but continue to slurp it up. I just can't put myself in the shoes of someone who tolerates shitty behaviour from entitled adults who should know better - whoever that person may be. People you know who have been raised all their lives to be strong, assertive, take no shit women now let these kids run all over them - hand out money, do above and beyond favours, support bullshit behaviour that you would never tolerate or approve of from any other human being - all good if it is your kid!

And if you say "why are you supporting this" the answer is...anyone? Anyone know?

Of course you do! The answer always is "if you had children you would understand". I guess it must be true. I too would be someone eager to be walked all over by my own personal set of selfish shitty adults for no apparent reason 🤔

Honestly the worst thing about being childfree is feeling like you are from another planet some days because the shit parents come to accept as normal is just so NOT what you expect from life.