u/DrexxY

Some background info: Here’s a post I wrote over a year ago. A lot of behaviors have gotten better now that she doesn’t have an IUD anymore. https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/TfzMLW04f4

Today: she was listening to some songs while we’re both cleaning and she ran over to me to shove her ear bud in my face/ear. In our entire 10+ year relationship I have always hated when she did that…whether it’s food, ear buds, or anything else. I don’t like having things shoved on my face - could be something from my vert abusive & neglectful childhood. It’s nothing new. I rejected it and stepped back saying I don’t want to listen right now. She got pissed and won’t talk to me now and just said “you say you’ve changed, but you haven’t…” and walked away and won’t talk to me. What “hasn’t changed” about me? Keep reading for back story.

A few months ago she and I were talking about our work and how hard it currently is. She messed up some fairly common saying like “don’t bite the hand that feeds you”, but she butchered it and I thought it was funny…so I said “Ohh that’s a good one, you should write that down” with a very light hearted smile/smirk on my face. She immediately ranted about how I’m not interested in her or anything she says or wants to do. And that I don’t ADMIRE her. That night she told me she wanted a divorce because she deserves someone who loves and admires her. She then said it’s up to me to do because she has nowhere to go. We ended up working it out and we now do more things together with intentionality, but every month or so since then she brings up this situation and completely shuts down.

Quick detail: she was watching the Bridgerton seasons around this time when she realized that I “don’t love her, appreciate, admire, etc” her. Couldn’t be further from the truth.

Honestly, the only thing she and I don’t see eye to eye on is music. Additionally, the only time I SAY anything is when we’re on road trips and she wants to put on some super boring music that is just people like humming and harmonizing. I’m sorry, but I don’t want to listen to that after I’ve been driving for 5+ hours…I need something to keep me alert — something we both like.

I feel so manipulated that I need to do something that I don’t want or she will want to divorce me…AGAIN. We have an almost 5 year old and other than this situation our relationship is pretty solid. I don’t know what the hell to do…and I don’t know how to tell her I feel manipulated without it COMPLETELY blowing up in my face.

Any advice?

Edit: work is still hard for both of us, and she STILL takes it out on me. Whether it’s yelling at me saying awful things to me…I understand the stress and I can take the sly remarks but it’s getting tiring.

I’m on my phone and I have a hard time putting thoughts together typing here, apologies if some things don’t make perfect sense and for typos.

TLDR: Wife thinks I don’t admire her or like the things she does and brings up divorce every few months. I don’t like things shoved on my face which triggered these thoughts of hers again. I don’t get it.

Edit 2: She is once again brining that she knows I love her, but I don’t admire her, and I never have. She can’t explain the difference to me between the two. Shes been faking being happy with me for a while now.