u/DriftingFeatherr

Controversial, sure, because a lot of you say moderation is key. But when you are an addict on any substance, porn, social media or whatever, one way to relapse guaranteed is to "only do it once" or to decide you can control it because you dont really want to commit to rehab.

Until that day comes when you are bored, lonely or sad and you indulge the whole day, feeling miserable and the cycle of being a full blown addict starts over again. Thats the reality of addiction. If you wont take it serious, dont expect wonders. For all you moderation coffee drinkers: congratulations, but it wont help any addict to kick the habit.

I was actually pretty disciplined.

No touching. No stimulating content.

But somehow the idea of having sex with a woman kept growing bigger and bigger in my head. The desire, the lust. I ended up looking up exes online, creating social media accounts just to reconnect, even browsing escort sites.

Yesterday evening it completely consumed me. Fantasizing, edging, constantly on the brink of orgasm for hours.

Then I just stopped and thought: this is enough. This doesn’t even feel healthy anymore.

So I decided to masturbate and let it all go willfully, instead of staying trapped in that state.

And honestly, I don’t feel guilty at all.

I actually feel proud of myself.

I went from being a full blown edging addict, masturbating every day for years to a 24 day streak. That alone changed a lot. More confidence, more energy, more motivation, feeling socially sharper. I can now clearly see how lethargic, tired and awkward I used to feel all the time.

This journey genuinely improved my life already.

But I think somewhere along the way I lost sight of the real purpose. The point was to elevate myself. Become better. Build discipline. Build energy. Improve my life.

At some point I started believing I needed to share this sexual energy with a woman to release it in a healthy way. But when I look back honestly, I was just chasing orgasm in another form. Casual sex, fantasies, validation, attention.

That realization helped me a lot.

I still believe in wholesome sex and a real connection. But I don’t want to make it the goal anymore. If it comes someday, great. If not, that’s fine too.

Right now I just want to keep growing and not let lust take over my mind again.

So today I start fresh again. New insights, better understanding, no shame.

Honestly, this is already the best journey of my life. Just keep going forward. Learning, growing.

24 days into SR and today tested me hard.

This morning I was walking outside and ran into a woman I know from a renovation job I did at her house. She’s around 50, Russian, insanely attractive, fit, feminine. Back when I worked there, there was definitely some tension and light flirting between us, but I had a girlfriend at the time so I never acted on it.

Today I was taking a walk outside and saw her doing yoga on the beach and she looked stunning. I couldn't help to walk up to her and start a conversation. Since then my mind has been going crazy.

I’m 36, fit, single now, and part of me wants to text her directly and make my intentions very clear. Not looking for romance. Just pure lust. My energy goes through the roof right now.Like being a tiger locked in a cage.

At the same time, I’m trying to stay grounded and not do something impulsive I might regret later. Curious how other guys here deal with moments like this on a streak, when the attraction feels overwhelming.

I woke up with an incredible erection and the urge to touch myself.

Instead, I lay flat with my arms wide and say: thank you god for this energy. This energy is healing me. With this energy, I build my life.

I breathe 10 times trough my belly. Relax my body. Feel the energy.

A litte moment of awareness and impulse control.

Got out of bed instantly after that. 4.45 am. The time of champions. No alarm. Not tired.

I drink some water and tea and will go for a walk with the sun rising at 6.

Been stuck in porn for 20 years. My life has been rough. Never completed anything. Troubles with addiction, discipline, socializing, depression.

I guess I just got used to this standard modus operandi. Thinking this is just the way I am. Diagnosing myself with all kinds of disorders. Expermenting with countless methods of meditation, religion, microdosi g. Although that was useful some extent, I dropped it eventually and just forgot about it. Its just not enough.

There was no motivation, no life goals, no discipline.

I ruined relationships with the most wholesome beatiful women and I blamed them for not giving me enough sex, while secretly fapping my life away, watching porn excessively. Multiple times a day.

I am a talented guy. Creative, good at sports. Masculine and good looking. Soft heart and caring towards friends and family.

Its not that my life really sucks, but I definitely made mistakes I regret.

I had some great career starts, but didn't have the power and motivation to continue any of them.

Being talented is not of much use when backed by nothing but a fractured mind full of trauma.

I started SR and Im 3 weeks in now. The veil lifted...

I discovered nothing is wrong with me. I already feel a massive surge of power. I have energy for everything! I feel balanced, confident, social. Mundane tasks just go automatically without effort. Its just a inconvenience now.

I struggled a couple of times but my mind is fixed now.

This is the only way forward. Life suddenly means something. Life is to short to circle around in useless habits.

In the morning I raise at 5, without alarm, full of energy, doing pushups, reading. Non of this is planned. I made thousands of plans and schedules in my life but never followed up on any of them. Not even once.

After work Im still full of energy. No need for sleep, walking outside between the birds and the trees. This is what life is about. To enjoy it! Be one with yourself and with nature.

Just a simple life is all I ask for. I feel so humble now. Life is short you know. There is no time to be toxic and to waste your years away.

Although I feel I can learn from my mistakes, I also think YOU should learn from my mistakes.

How long you going to sit there behind your screen, feeling miserable, achieving nothing?

All men warriors. Just take the journey.