My heart hurts and soul is dying
I am so sad. I just can’t do this anymore. My MIL moved in about 3 years ago and…sigh I really don’t even know how to explain how I feel. She has deeply betrayed our trust by putting our child in unsafe conditions. She has broke my husband’s heart when he found a list of men who could possibly be his father when she told him it was one dude. She is so dirty. Absolutely filthy and it’s unsanitary. I’m a clean freak and my home used to be spotless. Now I am wiping feces off of walls, light switches, doors etc.
She’s in debt and now processors are calling me and banging on my door scaring my child. She makes my daughter feel guilty. My husband is working with a lawyer to move her out but she’s broke and getting on government assistance takes so much longer than people realize. It’s been 6 months and they’re still working on it. Our sex life is dead, I hide in my room with my child from her. I’ve called every hotline for “help” and there really isn’t any help. They just refer you to websites to watch videos and read materials.
She never leaves the house. She has no friends or family. She’s never had a career and lived with her parents her entire life. She refuses to acknowledge her mistakes, change her behavior, see a therapist, or even apologize. I have lupus and it’s affecting my health. She had cancer and I had to quit my job to take care of her. I didn’t mind because I loved her, but then when we were cleaning her room we found all of the lies. Found the debt, the list of possible baby daddies (there’s 19), hidden food for her expired, and hidden food for my cat who I told her not to feed bc she has a chronic disease.
There’s too much to say, but I have lost everything to this woman. My daughter is depressed (she sees a child psychologist), my marriage is barely hanging on, I lost my career I loved helping people, I’ve lost my home, lost my privacy, lost my happiness, and had to drop out of college. My lupus flares are so bad I’m stuck in bed more now, and all I can do is wait until Medicaid goes through. I am serving a prison sentence in my own home and my room is my cell. I see my therapist weekly, psychiatrist monthly, and my PCP every 3 months. I am doing the best I can, but I’m starting to have awful thoughts. I do share these with my medical team (they’re wonderful tbh) but I’m confused why I hate myself so much for all of this. I feel I should be stronger and more empathetic but instead I’m broken and resentful.