My dreams of you keep haunting me
I cant sleep, I cant eat, I cant move, I cant do a single goddamn thing without thinking of you. Its driving me insane. Every app, every note, every little thing around the apartment... it all reminds me of four years of you. I was just learning to be ok with the distance when the possibility of the rift widening hit. I have the opportunity to change my life, to live the life I always dreamed of. By the coast, with the stars over the ocean... but without you.
When I think about it I keep finding myself preferring a scrappy, uncertain, cobbled-together life with you, rather than a dream life without you. It feels like no dream is complete without you by my side. As insane as it is, id still always choose you, and its driving me nuts... I dont want to be free... I want to be yours...
I keep having nightmares of an ordinary life with you. The one we planned, the one you said yes to when I pulled out that ring. Then I wake up...
And you're not there.