u/DrummerFearless2689

So I (F20) am agnostic-atheist, raised catholic - baptised, confirmed etc., though I only went through with confirmation at the time, just in case I ever somehow converted, despite back then, I was also agnostic-atheist, and I believe it has only strengthened with time. Anyway, so as the title says, my bf (M20) is really quite catholic, as is his entire family, and he knows my beliefs in depth, and he says it is fine, just we would have to raise the kids catholic. when he mentioned this, I asked if it must include the actual belief in God too or just the morals, he confirmed the former. Now as I grew up with Catholicism, I genuinely love certain aspects, for example the beautiful architecture of the old cathedrals, the art, the music e.g. Gregorian chants and organ masterpieces, and even despite not believing, I do sometimes pray if I am desperate, in the event I am wrong about God and he cares enough to listen despite my lack of faith (some may argue hypocrisy, but it may act as a placebo effect so I do it anyway). But I just really dislike the idea of an all loving God as it doesn't, and never has, made sense to me. And various teachings I highly dislike, e.g. teaching that gay people are sinners, or no abortions in any circumstances, and a few others.

Now I do disagree with a lot of abortions, as I don't think a kid should have their head squashed because you forgot to use contraception, but I truly think it is ridiculous that even in the most horrifying of cases e.g. rape, that it is still not permitted. As a woman, who already has a rather bad fear of pregnancy (another incompatibility, I know), the concept of being pregnant with no escape when it was forced on me, is sickening. The argument being that 2 wrongs don't make a right, except in certain situations they may, for example for the poor woman's mental health. Anyway, back on topic, I have grown increasingly unsure as to whether I could allow my kids to be properly raised catholic, despite originally thinking I would be fine with it, as not only do I find the idea of an all loving God deeply unsettling, but I disagree with many teachings that I once tried to convince myself made sense, aside from the gay one, I never understood that.

I wasn't properly properly raised catholic, my dad is atheist and never took communion nor the blessing, my mum catholic but as she was properly brought up with it she hates talking about it because back when she was a kid they were taught to not question anything, and my mum always let me bring a book to read in church as a kid, so perhaps those are a couple of reasons why I have turned out like this. Anyway, I am not entirely convinced either that I want my kids to not be raised at least with the culture of Catholicism, as I do think there are good morals in the bible stories, if you read them as myths, and as I said previously, I really love the art. Now I know that is a terrible argument, and I am probably just uncertain because it is all I have known, and one could then argue since I like the geometry of Islamic art I should raise them Muslim. But as you could probably tell, I am incredibly conflicted, but then again I am also still young and stupid.

Another thing I dislike is the complete conviction many religious people have, that they are right and everyone else is wrong, as for me the knowledge and acceptance that one could be wrong, especially in a topic such as this where no one knows they are right, is rather important to me. So another objection to the proposition of raising kids catholic, would be that it may inhibit their intellectual freedom and curiosity.

So, to summarise, I am agnostic, my bf is very catholic, idk if I could raise kids properly catholic when he wants to, I think we may be fucked but I don't want to admit that. So please, any advice, preferably prioritising not breaking up, though I accept if it must come to that, I may have to.