New relationship, addict
Hey y’all, I’m a 28f and I recently got into a relationship with a 28m. It happened super organically, started spending more and more time together, and we recently said I love you. He calls me a lot, we spend a lot of time together, and mostly it feels good. but I haven’t been with someone in a long time and I’m used to my independence so I’m Struggling to understand whats healthy or not. He has anxiety and depression. What originally brought us closer together was talking about his mental health, me supporting him, and him getting better. I didn’t take the relationship very seriously at first, but then he started taking care of me in certain ways: supporting my endeavors, encouraging me creatively, etc. It felt like an even exchange, which it still does. But recently, his anxiety and depression is starting to feel more manic depressive. He’s obsessing over one thing over another over again. He’s starting to abuse drugs a bit (we both like to party and dance, but I’m super low substance just the occasional psych, whereas he drinks and loves K in particular. We both love dancing and it’s fun for us to do together). But while I can keep it to once a week, he finds hard to stop drug use after the weekend ends. And I’ve been trying to help him take breaks/quit, encouraging him to maybe even g to a meeting, but trying not to “force” him bc I don’t want to be “mommy.” Lately he’s leaning on me a bit more with his anxiety, when he thought spirals he calls me, whereas he used to hide it more. It’s the same stuff every time, and I’m trying to hold him in that and be supportive, but I don’t always know what to say and I don’t recognize him at all when he gets like that. He’s on antidepressants, had a psych and a therapist, but I wonder if he needs mood stabilizers or something. He can be so wonderful, but when he gets fucked up or has a manic/depressive episode (often post-party-ful weekend), I don’t know who he is. I can’t get through to him. I don’t know how to help. I don’t want
To be codependent (either by telling him what to do or by being complicit in the things that hurt him.) I’m not sure what the right path forward is. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you!