Was it my fault?
Ok so basically, these friends I’ve had for about a year and a half now and everything's falling apart. I’m pretty sure all except one hates me and I don’t know what I did. In the months recently they’ve been calling me “distant” for god knows what, maybe for hanging out with other people or going through stuff, but they couldn’t give me any specific examples or anything to fix it, even when I’ve asked. I’ve been trying to think I’m reading into things wrong because that’s what they always tell me, but I’m realizing that they just don‘t like me anymore. I’ve been given the silent treatment for going on 4 weeks now, by one after another, not all of them at once. I‘ve thought back on my actions and I can’t think of what I could’ve done wrong. I said one thing to one of them, but I apologized completely, and others have said worse with no backlash from them. Looking back on the past 18 months I’m seeing red flags. I remember always walking on eggshells around them, as anything said slight off their liking would result in anger and coldness. I could never share any view that wasn’t perfectly inline with theirs with being called an awful person. Being around them felt more draining. They’d give me the silent treatment for days with no context and then go back to being buddy buddy. Hell, I didn’t want to admit it back then but one of them led me to attempt suicide. I don’t think they’ve ever apologized to me, and even if they do something wrong they play the victim. There’s many more things I saw wrong that I’m not sharing but thats the gist. It just hurts because these were some of the closest friends I‘ve ever had, and what I thought were the best people I knew. Every one of them went from super nice one day to awful the next. Now that I’ve moved on I’m seeing the flaws, but I still miss them. I still kinda want to fix it, but I don’t know how I fucked up.
Part of me feels like this is my fault, more so because this is the second time. Around 4 years ago one of my best friends completely flipped on me and started berating me and physically injuring me. I feel like if it’s happened twice, it’d had to be a problem with me.
I have other friends that are awesome now, but I’m scared to get closer to them for fear of this happening again. What do you think I should do? How can I better myself and prevent this? And was it my fault?