u/Dry-Hair-7022

  

I know I have to leave this fantasy
This un-reality
This imaginary sphere of consciousness
I have let myself drown in

What was I thinking
I can’t live here
I can’t survive, breathe, thrive only in dreams

Drown in something that may never be
Something that would have crucified me and
Saved me at the same time
Something that would have dragged me up and
Out from the hole I am in

It is this shiny new penny
A beautiful copper color
Sparkling in the sun, as I sit by the shore
No matter how many times I toss it back into the water
It comes back every time with the next ocean wave
Crashing onto the shore

I look down and there it is again
Still shiny, Still whole, Just beautiful, Just staying
How could I not pick it back up, hold it for what feels
Like an eternity
Then steal it away back into my pocket

God this is killing me
A beauty so close, but still not within reach
The paradox is so unfathomable
The want is so real, so all encompassing

If I have an angel, please show yourself
Please wrap your wings around me
I am ready for that peace that people speak of
That peace that comes from a surrender
 
I am ready to surrender myself to
Whatever is next
No matter where it might be

Deliver me
Lift me up
Place me there
And just leave me….

And then wash me back to nature
With that next receding ocean wave

I will be forgotten
As everything eventually is
It's just mother nature
At her finest…

At
Her
Finest….

____________________     

        

It's easy to know a man

He's so open, welcoming and always warm

He opens his heart right away

No pretence, just a sweet genuineness
Like a dove….
You can almost hear the gentle fluttering
Of his wings as he lands right next to you
And smiles

I can find him at my side in a flash
When times are hard or when
Times are bliss

All fears go out the window
It just feels so right
Right as rain

He is my weatherman, my friend, my confidant
Sweet, unassuming and just so damn “real”

Just the way I like him, my pal, my dear, dear friend

I love him so much, you know, sometimes though.…
It's just cuts too deep

He’s the one I can’t hide
The heaviness in my heart from
When my voice goes silent

He’s the one that recognizes
The joy in my eyes when I
Hear the sound of the rain
Hitting the roof in a rhythm
Only it can make

Sometimes I feel I can smell
Autumn leaves and they’re
Circling inside my head
When he’s around

Its almost
Surreal

I could easily fall in love with him
I just can never let on
I just can’t let him know that he
Makes it so easy, so soft, so gentle
Being near him

  
  
But I know that, that kind of love
Well,  
It would
change everything

I wonder how he truly feels
If deep down he is hiding too

Hiding from something
That could blossom
Into a love
So beautiful

That it would take both of our
Breaths away

Complete us both

And would taste sweeter

And be even more rare

Than

Tupelo honey….

  
  
  
  
  
_____________________  

        

It's easy to know a man

He's so open, welcoming and always warm

He opens his heart right away

No pretence, just a sweet genuineness
Like a dove….
You can almost hear the gentle fluttering
Of his wings as he lands right next to you
And smiles

I can find him at my side in a flash
When times are hard or when
Times are bliss

All fears go out the window
It just feels so right
Right as rain

He is my weatherman, my friend, my confidant
Sweet, unassuming and just so damn “real”

Just the way I like him, my pal, my dear, dear friend

I love him so much, you know, sometimes though.…
It's just cuts too deep

He’s the one I can’t hide
The heaviness in my heart from
When my voice goes silent

He’s the one that recognizes
The joy in my eyes when I
Hear the sound of the rain
Hitting the roof in a rhythm
Only it can make

Sometimes I feel I can smell
Autumn leaves and they’re
Circling inside my head
When he’s around

Its almost
Surreal

I could easily fall in love with him
I just can never let on
I just can’t let him know that he
Makes it so easy, so soft, so gentle
Being near him

  
  
But I know that, that kind of love
Well,  
It would
change everything

I wonder how he truly feels
If deep down he is hiding too

Hiding from something
That could blossom
Into a love
So beautiful

That it would take both of our
Breaths away

Complete us both

And would taste sweeter

And be even more rare

Than

Tupelo honey….

  
  
  
  
  
_____________________  

  
  
  
Let’s not dive into who we really are
Let’s just live in the shadows like we are now

Truth has a way of exposing too much,
Too much past trials, tribulations, losses and mistakes
Things we are responsible for, things we are not
Things that just happen, things that just float

Let’s just dream, isn't that easier?
Isn't that more beautiful than the real?

Let’s fantasize to bring out all of our true inhibitions,
All of our lust, wants, desires
Let’s just feel all of the passion we’ve had and/or
Just dreamed of, or the mixture most of us have experienced
You know, that suspended almost animation type, that keeps
You just begging for more

I’ll be your queen, you just be my king
We can pretend and secretly not pretend
That's the best kept reality where everything is possible

Let’s love the feeling, the underlying tension that we die
To keep alive forever
Lets just fall into each others longing, each others arms
So willingly to just give it our all and feel a heaven
That only God really knows and dangles in front of us
Like that “carrot” people speak of

I just love “you”, baby, my sweet secret, my sweet beauty
In the dark
I just can’t get enough of you gazing into my eyes, bringing
Every single thought, fantasy and passion alive in me
And making me feel every single thing my mind has ever
Thought a love could be

You are just “beautiful”.......

 
  
_______________________________________  

  
  
  
Every fucking time I try to use one of your stupid asses
I fuck it up, royally  

It's not your fault really, I suppose
But I hate “you” all the same

All your stupid faces
All the fucking hearts
All the fucking animals
All the thumbs-up, thumbs-down
All the explanation points
All the sports shit
All the food shit  
Just all of you

All the stupid options
Around using you
It's maddening I say! Just maddening!

But more than that  
What do they all mean?
How are they received?
What the fuck do the recipients think
when they receive one?  
  
I think that is worst part of all of this
I can't tell you how many times I
got a msg back:
“Wtf was that for?”
“What did I do?”
Or
“What the hell, you a-hole!”

And I am like, “Wtf did I do wrong?”
Well, I will tell you what I did wrong
I used one of your stupid emoji asses,
That's what I did wrong!

In closing, I bid farewell to all of
Your stupid asses
Once and for all!!

You know, I feel better now
Just typing this!
Fucking-A!!!
Goodbye you stinking, ass-licking
Emojis!!

I am finally free!!!

_______________________________

     

 

My sweet mystery
From the heavens
The one that floats
Inside my head

Why do you stay with me  
Why is your presence felt
And I don’t have to do a thing  
  
And I still feel like I melt  
From a place of reason
To that place where 
My fantasies come to life     

From the words you have sent  
That have been so kind
From the very start  

To the feelings that have felt so similar  
Like two bookends
That were lost  
But then finally  
Found each other  
  
You keep all my secrets
Safe
In your diary  
I don't even have to ask  
  
And by magic  
You seem to know  
If my
Heart might be aching  
Even though I have not  
Uttered a single word  
  
You never see your beauty
But I feel it in every
Gesture  
  
Your honesty and the respect you give
And how it makes me feel
You don't know how safe
I feel
Even when you’re not near   

When the thoughts of you
Stay with me
And seem to never rest
That’s when I start  
To dream  

Dream of your arms around me  
  
Dream of your sweet
warm embrace

Dream of those eyes I will look for  

The ones I have never seen before  
The ones that will bore holes thru me
Crucify me  
And drain every inhibition  
I possess

I would gladly
Give my last breath  
To feel your hands at my waist  
Pulling me closer….  
  
_____________________  
 
  
But I shouldn’t change
No matter how desperately I want to
What’s already in place  
  
I couldn’t even if I wanted to  
  
As things have to come naturally
As they are meant to  
That is nature’s  
Only way  
  
 
  
So,  
you just keep  
being that butterfly  
  
The one who  
Flies so  
Effortlessly  
From flower to flower  

And maybe  
Just maybe  
  
You’ll
Be waiting for me
When I crack from  
My cocoon  

Then maybe  
Just maybe  
  
We can fly away together
Till the end of our days

Through the clouds
The way I know
You love to  
  
To feel the breeze
Under our wings  
So free  

And the sun  
Gentling
Kissing  
Us
From a Heaven  
We’ve never seen  
Before     

That we know not of  
Except  
In our dreams……     

  
________________________

When we love, and that love leaves,  
A part of us goes with it.  
And that part will be missing forever now  
From our heart and soul.  
  
And we live with what’s left behind,  
A pain,  
The remainder of the price we
Pay to have loved.

If the pain leaves,
If we let it go,
Are we gone forever too?  
Lost forever,
Completely unequivocally empty?  
  
______________________
  
  
How long can one keep up 
The charade
That life is beautiful,
That their life is beautiful?  

How long can one keep that
Smile on their face,
The one they put on every
Day for the world?   

When inside they are broken,
Slipping down into the pit.  
  
That pit that wants to keep
Them in its clutches,
Because it has no need
Other than to fulfill itself.  
  
Just as life does.       

And then they find that like-minded
Lost soul,
That just makes this pain even
More real.  
  
But they take hands,
Shed a tear together,
Lower their heads and just “be”.

They just feel it,
Feel its silence,
Feel its emptiness.  

And them somehow,
With some type of heavenly
Intervention,
The ache feels a little less.  

The void feels a little less empty,
Then a smile,
Feels a little less forced,
And
A whole lot more “real”.....        

____________________ +

A gentle knock came
I heard it
I ignored it

Then shortly thereafter
Another gentle knock
Now I was annoyed

Can't they take the hint
I am not answering
Not ever     

Then the next morning
It was back
And I gave it a thought

What's the harm?
I mean  
If I answered

I can just shut the door  
If I don't like
What's on the other side   

But when I opened the door  
I liked what was there
I liked what I saw  

I welcomed you in
We talked for awhile
It felt warm     

Then here they came
My feelings
My desires I never knew I had  

I was taken aback
Who was this stranger ?

This stranger who was able
To invoke a passion
A yearning
A lust
From deep inside me

One I had never truly
Felt before now
One I didn't know what to do with
How to handle
How to feel    

Now suddenly you changed your mind
Logistics you would say
Would make this impossible

We had talked
For a while now
Where was this coming from

You said you were sorry
It just wouldn't work out
And you closed the door  

And you just left me here
Like a discarded piece
Of paper
No longer needed  

As the notes written on it
Were no longer needed   

It felt so cold suddenly  

  

When before  
My mind
Had already formed
Scenarios in my head  

Beautiful scenarios
Of weekends together
Feather pillows
Wine, champagne

You undressing me
I undressing you
With our eyes first
Then with our hands

Kisses anywhere
And everywhere
Tongues anywhere 
And everywhere
Hands anywhere
And everywhere

Your breath softly
Touching my neck
And my shoulders
And my back

God the sensations 
I imagined
Brought me to my knees        

But now
This dream
This fantasy  

This love and lust
I built up in my head
Would never come to fruition 

  

I really knew it all along
That this probably wouldn’t happen
That It was all just a pipe dream    

 

But still
Even now
Months down the road….

I still think of you
I still yearn for you
I still want you….

And there’s not
A damn thing
I can do about it ….

  

--------------------------------------------------------------

A gentle knock came
I heard it
I ignored it

Then shortly thereafter
Another gentle knock
Now I was annoyed

Can't they take the hint
I am not answering
Not ever     

Then the next morning
It was back
And I gave it a thought

What's the harm?
I mean  
If I answered

I can just shut the door  
If I don't like
What's on the other side   

But when I opened the door  
I liked what was there
I liked what I saw  

I welcomed you in
We talked for awhile
It felt warm     

Then here they came
My feelings
My desires I never knew I had  

I was taken aback
Who was this stranger ?

This stranger who was able
To invoke a passion
A yearning
A lust
From deep inside me

One I had never truly
Felt before now
One I didn't know what to do with
How to handle
How to feel    

Now suddenly you changed your mind
Logistics you would say
Would make this impossible

We had talked
For a while now
Where was this coming from

You said you were sorry
It just wouldn't work out
And you closed the door  

And you just left me here
Like a discarded piece
Of paper
No longer needed  

As the notes written on it
Were no longer needed   

It felt so cold suddenly  

  

When before  
My mind
Had already formed
Scenarios in my head  

Beautiful scenarios
Of weekends together
Feather pillows
Wine, champagne

You undressing me
I undressing you
With our eyes first
Then with our hands

Kisses anywhere
And everywhere
Tongues anywhere 
And everywhere
Hands anywhere
And everywhere

Your breath softly
Touching my neck
And my shoulders
And my back

God the sensations 
I imagined
Brought me to my knees        

But now
This dream
This fantasy  

This love and lust
I built up in my head
Would never come to fruition 

  

I really knew it all along
That this probably wouldn’t happen
That It was all just a pipe dream    

 

But still
Even now
Months down the road….

I still think of you
I still yearn for you
I still want you….

And there’s not
A damn thing
I can do about it ….

  

--------------------------------------------------------------

 

  
  
  
Silence is not only the absence of sound  
It is a feeling of solitude  

It feels like the world stops spinning  
And everything just stills within you  
  
Thoughts slow then just become  
Suspended in a bubble  

Your heartstrings,
Your deepest feelings of love and compassion  
Now keep their silent vigil over your  
Soul’s red threads, the inevitable  
Twin flames that bind  

Then space just faces you with a nothingness
That is so tender
That is so beautiful  
Your emotions soar and stay still  
At the same time

Its like something is hugging you  
And kissing you  
But you can't see it  

And the quiet opens its petals  
And a fragrance is present and lingers  

And you are gifted this opportunity  
To just sit with it, love it and  
Never let it go  
  
And that is exactly what you do  
And then you whisper a prayer  
To your beloved  
  
Desperately hoping they can hear you  
Feel your presence from  
Hundreds of highway miles away  
  
You silently sing their praises to  
Yourself  
  
And you feel a joy beyond measure  
Because you know this love  
Is eternal  
And  
It's yours….  
  
  
___________________     

   
 
 
Wow, 
A lightning bolt has hit me
And not out of the blue at all
It came in with a piercing white light
Hitting me between my heart,  
my aspirations and my dreams
Like a beam splitting atoms

That is what truth must really feel like
Just when you felt you were  
making progress
Just when you felt hope
Just when you thought there
Would be a chance
A chance for love again
A chance for a connection  
A sweet beautiful connection
That would be as clear
As those mountain springs
You hear about  
That would renew faith
That would begin a new life  
  
What do I do now
Again start from zero
I am so tired  
Now I know why people give up
Like I have wanted to
Before  

It is so hard being alone
Feeling alone
The pit
That pulls you in  
Pulls you down  
Suffocates you  
And you know its  
of your own making  
But you don't have 
The strength anymore  

If that light would just show itself  
Why did i have to love
In the first place
If I hadn't
I wouldn't be here now
Once you feel it
And then it leaves
For whatever the reason
Or circumstance
You will search for it again
You had that anchor for sometime
That you are now so used
To having
You can't imagine a
Breath without it
And it feels like you are
Floating in space  

You reach out
Nothing’s there
And honestly’
Nothing feels useful
Nothing feels grounded
Nothing feels worth it  
  
To search feels too heavy  
Your heart too empty
Your soul too fragile  

You feel like a porcelain doll
One wrong move
You'll shatter
And there is no coming back
Shards of glass
Everywhere
No one to put
The pieces back together
No one to turn to
No hand to reach for
No heart to hold
No soul to heal you  
  
Just emptiness
And a silence that
Is no longer sweet
A silence that is
Pressing you down
Down to a bottom
You’ve never felt
Before  

Maybe this is what the
End
Really feels like
Instead of the kaleidoscope  
They speak about  
The kaleidoscope of
Your life
I see black 
No colors
I see the absence
Of colors  

As I slip slowly into 
Disenchantment  
A mask I now wear
A mask I  
Turn 
into. 

   

Wow, 
A lightning bolt has hit me
And not out of the blue at all
It came in with a piercing white light
Hitting me between my heart,  
my aspirations and my dreams
Like a beam splitting atoms

That is what truth must really feel like
Just when you felt you were  
making progress
Just when you felt hope
Just when you thought there
Would be a chance
A chance for love again
A chance for a connection  
A sweet beautiful connection
That would be as clear
As those mountain springs
You hear about  
That would renew faith
That would begin a new life  
  
What do I do now
Again start from zero
I am so tired  
Now I know why people give up
Like I have wanted to
Before  

It is so hard being alone
Feeling alone
The pit
That pulls you in  
Pulls you down  
Suffocates you  
And you know its  
of your own making  
But you don't have 
The strength anymore  

If that light would just show itself  
Why did i have to love
In the first place
If I hadn't
I wouldn't be here now
Once you feel it
And then it leaves
For whatever the reason
Or circumstance
You will search for it again
You had that anchor for sometime
That you are now so used
To having
You can't imagine a
Breath without it
And it feels like you are
Floating in space  

You reach out
Nothing’s there
And honestly’
Nothing feels useful
Nothing feels grounded
Nothing feels worth it  
  
To search feels too heavy  
Your heart too empty
Your soul too fragile  

You feel like a porcelain doll
One wrong move
You'll shatter
And there is no coming back
Shards of glass
Everywhere
No one to put
The pieces back together
No one to turn to
No hand to reach for
No heart to hold
No soul to heal you  
  
Just emptiness
And a silence that
Is no longer sweet
A silence that is
Pressing you down
Down to a bottom
You’ve never felt
Before  

Maybe this is what the
End
Really feels like
Instead of the kaleidoscope  
They speak about  
The kaleidoscope of
Your life
I see black 
No colors
I see the absence
Of colors  

As I slip slowly into 
Disenchantment  
A mask I now wear
A mask I  
Turn 
into. 

   

        

The rain stops within the palms  
That stand stoically near our heavenly tropic abode  

We hear droplets falling softly
As it finishes  
  
Just in time for the sun to creep
out to play     

No sounds now, just a hushed silence

Only a smell fills the air  
The smell of rain

The silence is kissed by 
The warmth of the sun

Nothing moves
But the silence remains for a time

Calming even the insects
Who stay fast asleep  
  
  
  
And again we find each other  
This is our time now 
Our time to feel  
Our time to sit together  
To take in the soothing sights  
Of a stilled sea  
  
A sea so blended in color  
That a tear forms in your eye as you gaze
At a beauty too beautiful for this world  
  
And from a distance
The waves have no sound  
  
  
  
This calm coupled with this silence
Marry together 
To create a banquet of wonder  
Never seen or felt before  
  
And your heart is almost breaking
As all this wonderment is so  
all encompassing  
  
  
  
And then a hand reaches out,  
So warm, so real, so ready,
To just be here
In the moment with you  
  
Not wanting a thing except to feel this  
with you
To touch an enigma enthralled  
by grace  
  
And to hold your hand,
To show you that you will never  
Feel alone again  
  
That you will never need  
Anything more again  

And that you will never feel  
So loved again  
As You do right now  
  
In this beautiful stolen moment  
  
With me..……  
  
 
______________________