Venting
I just need to vent for a second. A lot of the time I feel bad for what I’m doing to my SO even after 13 years of his bunch of OAs, maybe even physical but I can’t prove anything.
About a year ago I started into this journey and it’s not been really anything. Iv had a few ended because I couldn’t get myself to have any emotions about them one way or another. Maybe I’m broken maybe they just weren’t the right one.
But what has me venting today is my SO reminding me why I started doing this. I’m so numb to everything. So exhausted having a partner that acts like anything I asked of him is a burden. I ask him to do something and it’s a complaint or it’s the sarcastic “no I don’t want too” and then when I express that I dislike that it’s “it’s only a joke. It’s not that serious, calm down” but when it’s 13 years of the same joke it’s not funny, it’s exhausting. All I’m asking for is a “yes of course I’ll do that for you”
Recently it was me asking him to help with my hair because I have to take my glasses off too do what I need to do so I can’t see so I need help. Of course it’s groaning and complaining about it.
Sigh. I guess I just need to get more lost into the fictional men in my books. Atleast they won’t let me down 😮💨