u/DryNefariousness2949

I’ve always struggled with hyper-sexualizing women, going to strip clubs, massage parlors and escorts growing up.. I kept up a few of these vices at the start of my relationship. I would be sober for years and then all of the sudden go to a strip club when I had a chance or a massage parlor a few times years ago. My partner knows my sexual history and that I had been to massage parlors twice in the relationship. We went to therapy years later but I had a relapse a few months ago overseas. I told her I was a sex addict but didn’t disclosed the full laundry list of times I had gone to strip clubs in the relationship or the time spent on cam sites and not the massage parlors I visited recently. Now I’m in SAA meetings, working with a therapist in couples therapy but I’m scared of full disclosure. Do I have to go in explicit detail of every time I can remember ? How did you deal with this? Bringing up past indiscretions that you withheld.

I’m new here, a SA that just began work with a therapist last year and have found these conversations helpful. Thank you all for being vulnerable with your stories in this space.

I often wonder if I’m just a serial cheater with no empathy towards my amazing partner.

At the beginning of my relationship over many years ago I was still going to massage parlors and strip clubs a few times a year. Being so addicted to porn, masturbation, strip clubs and occasionally asian massage parlors really screwed with my brain. I wonder if I would still be so overstimulated and have relapsed every few years if not for my past sexual history. I also wonder if I’m just an asshole when I do act out. Why must these feelings be so strong when almost the majority of the time the stripper or masseuse that im with is nowhere near as attractive as my significant other. Why must I lust for something new or the feeling a new body when I’m deep in relapse? Recently relapsed and went to a massage parlor and wanted to fulfill my fantasy of a threesome. I relapsed. I could not overcome the euphoric feeling of doing this. I’m still working through stopping these thoughts but it’s so hard when you are really in the thick of it. I often wonder if I’m missing out. Why can’t I just be a wild man, fulfilling all his sexual desires with a variety of hot women. Is everyone that cheats a sex addict? I struggle with shame and guilt and feel I need to be punished and held accountable to stop these escalating behaviors.