Should I send this?
Context is was in a situation where I saw this girl for 10 months almost every weekend and it wasn’t exclusive nor did I care I was happy to get laid really but somewhere I caught feels, spoke up about monogamy and then ended it. She did not feel that same way. Haven’t texted her in over a month but this is how I feel and I’m debating whether to send it or nah.
The message:
I thought I should leave you with something honest instead of disappearing into silence.
I've spent the last few weeks trying to understand what this was and what it became for me.
Whatever we were, it felt very real to me.
I think the realization hit when I was in the States. Somewhere along the way I stopped experiencing this as something casual and started wanting something deeper with you.
You got into my head in a way very few people ever have.
And honestly, I don't think I imagined the closeness between us. That's part of what makes this difficult.
Looking back now, I think we may have been living inside different versions of the same thing.
The connection felt real, but I was never quite sure what place it occupied in your life. The closer I felt to you, the more aware I became of how little certainty I actually had.
I don't blame you entirely for that. There are questions I should have asked sooner and conversations I avoided because I was afraid of the answer.
But eventually I found myself in a position where I cared deeply about someone while never really knowing what I meant to them.
That's a painful place to stay.
Despite everything, I don't regret caring about you. I don't regret loving you.
I just wish the ending felt more human.
I think what hurts most is realizing that two people can share something that feels emotionally significant and still walk away carrying completely different understandings of what it was.
Anyway, I just wanted to say the truth plainly instead of pretending this didn't matter.
Because it did.