r/WhatToDo

I have been with my girlfriend for three years now, and until recently, we haven't had any major ups and downs; everything has been running smoothly. We met in her hometown while I was a student. After I finished my studies, I stayed there solely for her, even though the job opportunities in that small town were terrible.

​Six months ago, her parents decided to move to the other side of Europe. Since my girlfriend and I are just starting our careers, we initially thought it would be a good idea to go there too for the opportunities. However, I later regretted that decision and told her I didn't want to move. I want to try building a life here in our own country. She got angry because she felt I was changing our plans.

​The truth is, I never wanted to move somewhere with her parents in the first place. If we are going to start fresh, I want it to be a completely new experience for both of us. Furthermore, I wouldn't know anyone there, whereas she would have her parents and siblings as a safety net.

​We stopped discussing it for a few months while we wrap up some business here. The problem is, neither of us wants to change our minds, and we also don't want a long-distance relationship.

​I don't know what to do or how to make her understand that I want to be with her, but just not under these circumstances. I feel like she is forcing my hand—it feels like an unspoken ultimatum: either we move, or we break up.

I currently have moved back to my hometown after living in Illinois for 2 years. I got pregnant had a baby over there. Long story short, I had a falling out with the baby’s dad due to drinking, so I moved back home in December. I’m so confused right now. I keep thinking if I should go back to the baby‘s dad since I’m still in love with him. The baby’s dad doesn’t want to move out of Illinois and I want for my baby to have a present father. On the other hand, I don’t want to disappoint my family any more than I feel they are. They have always been there for me and the baby in the toughest times. They have been welcoming and loving to my baby from the start. I just feel stuck in this point of my life. I’ve constantly been thinking my life choices for weeks now and it’s giving me anxiety.

Ok so I have a friend in a dilemma. Her birthday is coming up and her coworkers are throwing her a birthday party at work. She just recently started seeing someone new, but her ex is still very close to her and he's more than likely to show up whether invited or not, she doesn't want to make any one hurt or upset and she doesn't want any fights to occur. What do u find to be the best route to handle this situation?

The guy I’m talking to is turning 17, I’m newly 14. He has a girlfriend, but keeps swearing he’s leaving her.

She knows about him cheating, but she physically won’t leave him. They’ve been together for 5 months, and I’ve been talking w him for a month now. I only knew about her maybe a week ago. I snitched 3 times, and the guy still came back every time.

I really love him, but idk. I can’t handle the fact of being the other woman, and the fucking side piece. I threaten to leave, and he babies up to me and manipulates me.

I’m not sure how to stop this, or fully leave him without just wanting him back. Please help?

My partner and I were on a break for a while and during that time something happened between them and their ex. I still don’t fully know what happened because they never told me. After we got back together, they casually mentioned that they’re friends with their ex now, and recently I found out there was more to the story.

The thing is… I don’t even know if I want to ask for the full truth because I know once I hear it, it’s going to change how I look at everything. Right now I’m stuck between feeling like I deserve honesty and feeling like ignorance might actually hurt less.

Part of me is upset that they kept it from me in the first place. Another part of me wonders if technically it shouldn’t matter because we were on a break. But it still feels weird because now this ex is still in their life as a “friend,” and I can’t tell if I’m overthinking or if my gut is trying to tell me something.

Would you want to know the full truth in this situation, even if it could damage the relationship? Or would you leave it alone if the relationship feels okay otherwise?

Yesterday, as I was relaxing on the balcony (on the 7th floor) at night around 8 PM, I heard two horns, so I looked down and saw a guy pointing his fingers at me and shouting something. I couldn't comprehend what he said, but I am aware that it wasn't something pleasing. I got stuck for a minute or two since it happened out of the blue, and I couldn't do anything but stare into the darkness, trying to understand what just happened. He was traveling with his friend on a bike, and I am pretty sure he did it to look cool in front of his friend, as he firmly believes that I can't do anything.

This incident drained me mentally, and it once again reminded me that girls are not even safe in their own habitat, and that people have the freedom to do what they like because such cerebrally bankrupted fellows will always try their best to pull down our confidence. Is there any way to take action against such morons who think mocking someone makes them better or superior than others? The confidence of such socially degenerate morons comes from the belief that the victims can't do anything and that they probably never cross paths again....

So I’m knee-deep in my graphic design degree, and by knee-deep I mean, I graduate next semester. And I’ve been having some doubts. Well really I’ve been doubting for a while but I think it’s really starting to set in.

My problem is I don’t I enjoy this as much as I thought I would. Pretty much everything that’s hiring around me for internships or just regular jobs is a marketing kind of deal with logos and stuff and I do not enjoy doing logos. When I chose graphic design I wanted to do book covers and I can’t find anyone near me hiring for that. And I know obviously my very first graphic design job is not going to probably be what I want to do in the end. I just need my foot in the door somewhere.

Anyways, what I want out of a job is I wanna feel fulfilled, I don’t wanna be stuck behind a desk all day, and I want to feel like I’m making a difference. I really do not want to move away because my whole family is around here, and I want stability. Freelance stuff sounds really cool, but it’s just not for me I don’t think. It seems very unstable. And I feel like AI is such a prevalent thing nowadays, I mean it’s definitely cheaper than a graphic designer and if I was a business owner, I would probably pick the cheaper option honestly. And in my classes, my professors are telling me that I should just use AI, (I literally had a whole project where I wasn’t even allowed to design anything by myself. I had to prompt an AI). And it’s not just the AI that’s bothering me. I feel like I don’t enjoy this path as much as my classmates do. They’ve all got their shit together it feels like, well better than I do at least.

So I’ve been really considering going and doing something else, maybe medical related? Like dentistry or or maybe x-rays or something like that instead. Plus whenever I talk to my parents about it, they don’t have any idea what graphic designers do or how it works so they try their best with the advice but they don’t really get it and I’m super conflicted which does not help. My dad says I should try out fiver and try to sell my work, but I just can’t see that supporting me reliably.

So what do you guys think? As people who have been designing for a while I assume. Should I stick with it and just hope for the best? Or should I switch paths?

First time Im with my gf during her period and I didnt know it was this bad. She's still in pain even after painkillers (she said her doctor only recommends a single dose so she won't take more). She tries to sleep through it but she wakes up every couple hours. Can I get her anything else to help her through this?

I (27F) matched with this guy on Tinder 10 days ago and the conversation has been shockingly good. He’s funny, quick with replies, sends voice notes that actually make me laugh out loud, and we’ve talked about music, travel, random deep stuff at 2am. We have drinks planned for tomorrow night and I was really looking forward to it. But we both did the quick compatibility test for fun with a lot of questions about us, future goals etc. and when I checked the results… it was rough. The chemistry feels so real but the report is making me spiral, it says we’re great for short-term fun but probably bad long-term on values, future plans, and how we deal with conflict.

Now I’m stuck debating:
Do I just go on the date anyway because the vibe is strong and these tests can be total BS?
Or am I being smart by pumping the brakes before it turns into another situationship?

I’m 27 and kinda tired of wasting time, but I also don’t want to cancel on someone who seems this fun just because of one AI check.

What would you do in my spot? Has anyone else had a Tinder guy that felt perfect on chat but something made you hesitate? Go or cancel? Still meet him tomorrow?

Hi. Im really ugly, and want to change it. Im already trying changes, (Trying to lose weight, using products to help clean my face and make it look better.) Is there anything I can do to help improve? Any advice is welcome. Thanks :)
[Also if you want to see what i look like as an example of what i mean just ask me in DMs and ill send it just don’t be weird please :( ]
Edit: To those who DM me and got really weird, (Those people know who they are btw), please leave me alone. Im not trying to be groomed i just want advice or if you want to talk sure but please no weird stuff 🫩

My boyfriend and I have been fighting a lot lately because he overthinks small things and starts thinking I’m being disloyal or cheating when I genuinely am not. A lot of it started over me opening random Snapchat messages from people I don’t even know. I don’t reply to them or entertain them, but he feels like I’m giving other people attention while not giving him enough attention. He says seeing me active on Snapchat without constantly sending him pictures or texts hurts him and makes him suspicious.

It escalated into him questioning a lot of random things I do. For example, I apparently make noises or moan in my sleep sometimes, especially when I’m uncomfortable or half asleep, and he started thinking it sounded sexual or like someone was “doing something” to me. I tried explaining that when I’m half asleep I genuinely don’t remember things I do or say sometimes, including getting up in the middle of the night or even accidentally hanging up the phone once. I told him I’m not lying and I’m not trying to make him feel crazy, I just genuinely don’t remember certain things when I’m barely awake.

He eventually apologized and admitted he jumps to conclusions and overthinks because of jealousy and trust issues, and even mentioned wanting to get back on his meds because he knows it’s becoming unhealthy. I know he loves me and I love him too, but it’s emotionally exhausting constantly feeling like innocent things are being analyzed for “proof” that I’m cheating.

Another thing that’s really hurting me is that he’s told me his family, friends, and even coworkers don’t really like me or have negative opinions about me based on the arguments we have. I’ve been crying a lot because I genuinely try to be kind and loving, and it hurts feeling hated by people who don’t even know me or the depth of our relationship.

I guess I’m asking: how do you support someone who struggles with overthinking and jealousy without losing yourself in the process? And how do you rebuild trust when you feel like every little thing you do gets turned into suspicion?

So I am kinda venting and need advice. I recently signed a lease for a 2 bedroom apartment with my girlfriend and my friend. We live in Florida so our rent is outrageous at a whopping $2,321. We’re all full time students and this was somehow cheaper than the actual student housing ($1,200 for a bedroom inside of a 4x4). Anyway, We have been talking about this move for a couple of months now and my friend is currently renting a room for $1,200. I gave him a notice stating he should have at least a grand saved up for Move-In day. Our lease starts on June 1st so I asked my girlfriend and him to send me the money now so I can pay the move-in fees and the rent ahead of time. My girlfriend gave me the money and I paid it to the apartment complex. I ask him for it and he proceeds to tell me that because he had oral surgery he hasn’t been able to work and only has $50 in his account. I started a GoFundMe considering if he doesn’t pay his half my girlfriend and I don’t have a place to live. I’m really upset since I gave him a 3.5-4 Month notice and he works full-time. He only had to save like $71 a week to have $1K by move in but he doesn’t. After he stated he only has $50 he proceeded to ask me to pay his half. What should I even do we haven’t even officially moved in and I’m getting annoyed. He also hasn’t pitched in with furniture (it’s unfurnished) or kitchen utensils/Cleaning supplies. Literally nothing. What would you do in this situation?

I 26F, dating a 24F.
We’ve been together for quite a while now, but we’re having relationship problems.

First, I am always adjusting for her. Second, she doesn’t want to eat where I want to eat so we eat on the same place everyday. Third, recently she always play mobile game with someone, she reasoned that I cannot join because of my rank. I don’t feel well that time but I didn’t tell her because I thought she’s busy studying, but I learned that she’s only playing mobile games. Fourth, we have different environment growing up. She was raised by gentle parents, I was raised with constant spanking, and raising of voices.

Recently I have been experiencing some kind of bullying, when I told her about it she just said she doesn’t want to be involved. She also told me to stop ranting about the same things again and again because it will not change the facts about the situation. When I told her I don’t feel her support she said sorry.

I can’t tell anyone what I felt, so any advice?

Thanks!

My school announced me as valedictorian and then took it away because the board of education revealed a paper that said valedictorian needs to be chosen based on 2nd marking periods result (the 7th semester of high school). This paper was meant to be applied from 1999 but the whole school was unaware of it for the last 28 or more years. The school has been choosing valedictorian based on 3rd marking period result. According to that I was 1st, so the school announced me as valedictorian. But the parents of the student who was first in second marking period brought the paper to the school's attention. The student's dad is also in the board of education and they are pressuring the school to follow that paper's rule. For the last 28 years and maybe more, the school was unaware of this rule but when it's my turn, suddenly the rules came to light. Everything was done, my speech, my essay for valedictorian breakfast bla bla bla. Even for the second marking period, some of my courses were not added and no explanation was given for that. The principal apologised (literally begged) and said the higher ups are just being too pushy. I asked for co valedictorian but our school doesn't even do that. And none of the teachers or studentd were given the explanation as to why the valedictorian changed in like a few weeks after declaration. And everyone keeps asking me what I did and everything is so fucking ass right now... But i guess at least I will be graduating as first of my graduation class and that's the final transcript that will go to my colleges...

I work as a bartender at a small local restaurant. I have a regular who honestly funds my whole life. The restaurant is really only busy on weekends, but the bartenders always make good money. This regular comes in often, for all of the employees not just me. They have always been respectful, they are super wealthy. Like might be doing something shady level of wealthy. They are regularly leaving 100+ dollar tips every time they come in. So my regular always gets a little flirty when they get a few drinks in them, but nothing I am not used to as a female bartender. Now, this time they tried to offer me $5000 to go home with them. They waiting until everyone had left, I am the only one locking up, to ask me this. It was on instagram, but within minutes of leaving and their business that they went back to is right next door. HE ALSO KNOWS MY BOYFRIEND!!! It made me feel incredibly uncomfortable, but I know the other bartenders are going to want him to still come in. What in the hell do I do?

I'm 22F (cis), and my partner is 25 (mtf transitioning process). Two days ago, we had a discussion about how the relationship would be if I found myself no longer sexually attracted to them; I'm questioning if I'm actually Bi or not (said this in my last post ik), as I've only done stuff with cis males before knowing them. I concluded that if it gets to that point, then the necessary assumption would be that I wouldn't be happy in the relationship, if I wasn't attracted to them in all facets; how I see it, and what I told them, is that if one person is unhappy, then the other is unhappy. Last week I asked them if they were in love with me, or just love me - they said they didn't know if they were in love with me, but they love me; I said the same.

I said that if it got to that point, then I think it'd be best if we were to break up and remain friends. They responded with if we broke up, we wouldn't remain friends and instead "mortal enemies,", and that if I was with anyone else they'd k!ll them and anything I had a passion for they'd one up me and always try to be better than me in whatever I do (they said they wouldnt ever physically hurt me though, after I told them I grew up in a similar environment that then led to my bio mother being physically abused for years).

Yesterday, I asked if they were ever jealous of me, or felt insecure with me or something that could explain why they said that, and they replied "im not jealous of you specifically, no". I asked why their answer included the use of "specificallly," and they replied "im not jealous of you." I still dont understand why they'd say that "mortal enemies" thing - they said that they'd only be doing that because they still love me because both hate and love are an expression of passion, which I agree with they both are expressions of passion, but to the "mortal enemies" degree I dont understand. To me that sounds like obsession, because from my perspective, if you love someone you should always want the best for them.

They said they would be doing all of that out of love, but it doesnt make sense to me. Also, at the start of our relationship (they dont do that anymore, the other times they threw something at me was a small bracelet and a large teddy bear, both months ago when they were irritated), they liked throwing balls of receipt paper af me, and said because it was a soft object it was a sign of affection for them, I'm still kinda confused on that.

It's early in their tramsitioning process, and while I am so happy that they are finally feeling better about themselves and seeing a future, I'm also hurt because I only realized they are trans, because I went through their phone in 12/2024 and also that's when I found texts between them and another girl (calling her Q) that were of a sexual manner - they said they saw her as a "sister" and that because they didn't physically do anything they didn't actually cheat (they called me a liar after I told them I told their family member abt it, and that I was making them look bad, which made me feel like sh!t) and it still hurts me that they didn't trust me a year into the relationship (been together for almost 3 years now) but texted Q about explicit things and things we talked about in our future, before I knew they were trans and when they were "playing the part" of a cis male 2 years into our relationship - and said themselves that they didn't actually want to do anything with me or do relationship stuff but were just playing a part. I feel betrayed and like our relationship was based off a lie, but I'm still happy for them being able to start their journey, and I told them I hope they're always safe, loved and happy and protected, regardless of circumstance.

TL;DR - My partner said that if we broke up we wouldn't be friends and instead "mortal enemies", and theyd always be in competition with me and I dont know what to make of that, but its causing alarms to go off in my head.

Actually 1 week earlier I broke up with my boyfriend. I initiated the break up . Actually he is a good guy loves me a lot. But there were so many days i even begged him just to talk to me for 10minutes a day🙂. And he was emotionally unavailable most of the time. But when he is in a good mood he will treat me like a queen and when he is in good mood he will treat me like shit.
For the last months before break up EVERYDAY i cried to bed, even once I cried and choked blood🙂And he will come in the morning and act like nthg happened. And when i try to talk to him about what is hurting me. That will turn into an argument And I will cry even more.
And now i initiated the break up . But now he is begging for me to give another chance to him.. i already gave him a 1000chances but idk what to do. Is this decision right or wrong idk. Our mental peace is important .Right!
Actually i am sad sometimes i want to cry out louder. But i know finally i am in peace. But i still have feelings for him🚶🏻‍♀️
Should i give him another chance???

We ve been together for 12 years, I met him when I was 21. He was my first boyfriend, first love.

The last 2 years i was in depression+ocd ( had no jobs, so I was staying at home , crying everyday, no intimacy and he cooked meals for me when he came home after his work.. I couldn’t do anything😢. But now I healed.

He left me on Valentine’s Day last year in 2025. With 0 👶🏻0💍0💒. It was horrible, I wasted my best years with him. I thought that I was an old lady and that I will end up alone. He said that he sees me like a sister and not a women he wants a future with and that he doesn’t see me as a mother ( maybe because of my depression he though I couldn’t handle being a mother..) and he came the summer telling me that he loves me , it’s me and nobody else and that he doesn’t see a future life and family without me..

He came back this summer, and left me again after 3 months during Halloween. For the second break up, he was not sure, and wanted some time to think about what he wants because he was lost blabla..

I told him that I will not give him more time to think and he should know ,we are are not in our early twenties to be like that, that he comes back and doesn’t know what he wants. So after the second break up, I blocked him on social media but not iMessage, because I Had 1% hope that maybe he will call me quickly and regret his decision, But he didn’t call me… He didn’t even try to know if he was blocked everywhere. And he wasn’t blocked everywhere.

And after 4 month, he said on iMessage in the end of February that he waited to be unblocked but it never happend, and told me that he was sorry and he misses me more than ever…

I didn’t answer and 3 weeks after his first message, he texted me again telling me « Eid Mubarak » because part of my family is Muslim, it’s like saying merry Christmas but I didn’t answer.. I dont’ know what to say.. his sex message is from 20 march and no more text from him…I feel like these 2 messages are not enough for me to answer.. it’s too lazy…with what he did.. I need something more powerful..

Don’t know what do ? Does it mean that he wants us to be together, or he just said that without wanting us to be together and it’s  more like a random message, or just an apology message because he has some regrets or feels guilty ? It is my fault? Because of lack of intimacy ? Maybe if I didn’t become sick.. he wouldn’t leave me the first time.. I felt guilty that’s why I gave him a second chance.. when we came back together I was not sick anymore..

Should I have given him time to think about what he wants at the second break up and not blocked him of insta and WhatsApp? But at the same time I didn’t block his phone number so he never tried to call me and waited 4 month just to write an easy message with low effort ?

Many men told me it’s my fault that he left the first time because I was sick and depressed and cooked meals for me with no intimacy and it’s me that I should chase him even if he left me twice. Some men told me that I should have accepted the break the second time and that it was not a real break up because he was no sure if that’s what he wanted..So it’s my fault because there were no intimacy and that I was sick?🥺

His message when he wish me happy Eid was rhe 19 march and no more text from him.. and he will never text me again if I don’t answer to his lazy message.. what should I do.. ? I worry that he finds someone else and If I answer him, he tells me that’s too late etc…

Edit: Someone also told me this « I am not talking about you personally but just in general. When someone becomes a caregiver for any reason, they start seeing that person as a child, a problem, a patient. That is not sexy and after years, that old feeling is probably not coming back. You probably can’t fix this and neither can he. He was wrestling with his feelings for you and trying to accept that parent/child, caregiver/patient dynamic. He may well feel like he is settling for less and if he continues, this will be the rest of his life. Flip the narrative and maybe you will understand.You need to put yourself first. Let him go and move on yourself. What happened to you was not your fault. Be glad things improved. Be glad he hung around and helped with the heavy lifting, many BFs would not have stayed as long as he did. If I was dating someone who stopped working, cried every day, and just sat around the house, no sex, no fun, I would eventually leave. Wouldn’t you? I might love this person but I need a partner, not a patient. I would think of our relationship as toxic and not good for me. » do you agree 🥺?

I (19) have a friend (15 turning 16 this year) that I have known for almost three years now. We met through their ex who used to be a very close friend of mine, but things happened and our friendship fell through. My friend (who I'll call just call A) has a troubled life and that is one of the things we've bonded over. A ended up dating someone else and I became friends with their new (now ex) partner. They broke up a few months back and that's that ( except for A has still been contacting my other friend/ their ex even after she just started ignoring them).

Two days ago I went over to A's place to just to hangout. Now, I smoke weed/do edibles. I know my limit and have been open about that in the past to A and have let them hit my (weed) pen maybe once or twice— but they have also just seen my vape and straight up grabbed it before, which has honestly made me uncomfortable. I do not particularly like A smoking/drinking seeing as I know they have used substances to cope in the past and are on heavy medications (+ they are younger than me and I don't feel comfortable supplying minors with drugs). Now before I went to A's house I had packed two gummys in a zip lock bag and put it in my purse. I usually take half a gummy to focus/calm down and then a whole one to truly ease myself (I have really bad anxiety and do not take medication). I did not touch the baggy for the rest of the day.

Once I arrived at A's house I had looked in my bag and the gummys were still there. We had a fun hangout overall and things seemed fine (except for the fact that their ex was brought up a few times). When I got home I was EXHAUSTED and went to bed shortly after getting home. The next morning I checked my bag to 1 clear out any trash, and 2 to grab my gummys and put them back into the container I usually keep them in. But they weren't there. I didn't panic at first, I honestly lose stuff all the time. But later in the day (yesterday) I was on call with a different friend (who I'll call N). I told them what happened and that someone got some nice gummys cause they slipped from my bag... and then I thought about it harder. The way my bag is set up it is litteraly impossible for just ONE thing to fall out of it, if soemthing starts to fall out EVERYTHING falls out. I thought harder, and the only time I left my bag alone (with someone) the whole day was when I went to the bathroom at A's place. N proceeded to tell me that was super weird and I agreed. So I went to A's ex seeing as she's the only person I talk to who also know A super super well, and asked her if she thought it was possible they could've stolen from me, and she said there was a high possibility.

I proceeded to go to A and lay things out (in my opinion) rather politely. I asked if they had gone through my bag and they responded with four hurried messages saying "no, why would I do that?" Four. Messages. They then proceeded to freak out and message me a bunch over trying to find them. Never once did I say I accused them of taking them, I just layed out the fact that I litteraly have Mary Poppins bag and takes A LOT of effort for something to just fall out if it. Maybe half an hour later they called me and said their mom found the gummys on the couch... my purse only made contact with the couch once, if that, before I put it on the coffee table. We sat on the couch the majority of our hangout and I'm pretty sure we would have seen or felt the gummys had they fallen out. But on call they proceeded to say it was rude of me to assume they took them and act as if they did (I never said or even suggested they took them) and that they wanted an apology. They started crying and in the moment I apologized to them but honestly I'm kind of regretting it because... things aren't adding up.

N thinks the entire thing is weird and that A is suspicious as hell. Later on in the day I called A's ex, who is still a good friend of mine, and layed everything out; she also agrees A is acting hella weird and that they probably did take my gummys (they have shop lifted before and have admitted that). I think A took my gummys when I was in the bathroom and forgot about them on the couch where his mom found them the next morning. I'm not mad about the gummys, I'm upset my friend might have stolen from me. I don't want to abandon them, I know what they're going through right now is hard, but I also don't want more stuff to go up missing, you know? Plus A has honestly never been that good of a friend to me. They have done and said things that very clearly upset me in the past and then said a simple sorry and moved on with their day. And before they were with their ex we talked like EVERY DAY (mainly bc we trauma bonded over their ex who was my ex best friend) and I became reliant on them. I've grown and recognized that was bad, but it was really a two way thing with us relying on one another... until them and their most recent ex (my friend) broke things off, in which they've suddenly been more aware that I exist. I don't want them to deal with anymore bullshit but I also don't think I can still be friends with them now that I've realized and processed what they have done in the past + are currently doing.

I'm genuinely at a stand still on this. All my friends are telling me they probably did steal and to just block A, which I think would be the best course of action, but there's also this ache in my gut that says it really could've been a 1/100 chance that the gummys slipped out of my bag... I'm torn between just blocking them or trying to figure out if A really did steal. But I don't think it's worth the distress. I just kind of want an outsiders opinion (despite knowing it'll probably be the same as what my friend's said).